Marriage counseling involves the voluntary introduction of a third person, typically a licensed therapist or counselor, into the marital relationship, to help a couple restore harmony and satisfaction to their interactions with each other. Marriage counseling is typically conducted with both parties present most of the time, in contrast to traditional therapy, which focuses on the treatment of individuals.
Relationship Stages
Marital relationships typically proceeds through five stages, according to licensed clinical social worker Dawn J. Lipthrott. These stages, in order, are: romantic love, power struggle, knowledge and awareness, transformation and real love. In order to successfully proceed through these stages, you will need to gain understanding and knowledge of your partner, compromise in areas of conflict, and learn to deeply respect and cherish your partner. Marriage counseling is designed to help people successfully negotiate the minefields along the way.
Marriage Counseling Techniques
Marriage counselors use many different techniques. These techniques may vary according to each partner's history and motivations for entering therapy. Techniques that arise from systems theory and behavior-oriented therapy are among the most common, according to the Gale Encyclopedia of Psychology. Systems theory emphasizes communication and the sharing of feelings, while behavior-oriented therapy concentrates on improving a couple's skills in conflict resolution and problem-solving. Counselors may adapt techniques from either or both of these approaches as the situation demands.
Finding a Good Marriage Counselor
A good marriage counselor is capable of guiding couples through emotional minefields, and is capable of minimizing the damage done when they occur, according to psychologist Willard F. Harley, Jr. An effective counselor must also be capable of motivating discouraged couples and teaching couples how to come up with creative solutions to their difficulties. Academic credentials and experience are crucial, but not enough by themselves. The National Directory of Marriage & Family Counseling provides resources that can help you find a marriage counselor in your area.
Effectiveness of Marriage Counseling
It is difficult to assess the effectiveness of marriage counseling by referring to post-counseling divorce rates, because it is difficult to know whether or not a given couple would have divorced without counseling. In the article "Clinical Practice Patterns of Marriage and Family Therapists: A National Survey of Therapists and Their Clients" published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 97.4 percent of respondents reported general satisfaction with the services they received from marriage counseling. The National Directory of Marriage & Family Counseling urges caution in interpreting these results, however, noting that marriage counseling is most effective when both partners enter counseling in order to save the marriage, rather than as a way to seek ammunition to justify a divorce.
Warning
Psychologist Christopher Ryan warns that "clinical psychology is far less scientific than many psychologists would have you believe." He warns against rigid therapists who preach immutable relationship laws while ignoring their own clients' values and perceptions.
References
- The Relationship Learning Center: Are You Going Through a Stage in Your Marriage or Relationship?
- Marriage Builders: How to Find a Good Marriage Counselor
- National Directory of Family and Marriage Counseling: Marriage Counseling Techniques
- National Directory of Family and Marriage Counseling: Does Marriage Counseling Work?
- Psychology Today: Anti-Marriage Counseling
