One in three high school students is abused in a relationship, according to a special report from the U.S. Department of Justice. Alarmingly, dating violence causes more injuries to young women than any other type pf violence. Abuse occurs in dating relationships of all kinds, with teenagers and young women at greater risk.
Definition
In an abusive relationship, the abusive partner seeks to maintain control through coercive or violent means. Dating violence can include physical violence such as pushing, hitting or slapping. Sexual abuse such as rape or any action that controls a person’s sexual activity is also associated with dating violence. An abusive partner might also control what someone wears, where she goes, and with whom she spends time. Abusers often isolate their partners from family and friends, verbally abuse them and exhibit extreme jealousy.
Prevalence
According to the American Bar Association, in 80 percent of rape cases the victim knows the perpetrator, who is usually a current or former spouse, cohabitating partner, boyfriend/girlfriend or date. The ABA also states that nearly 25 percent of women and 7.6 percent of men have been raped or physically assaulted by a partner.
Symptoms
Parents often have no idea that their teenager is being abused. Friends may not know, or may not know what to do about it. Symptoms that a teenager may be a victim of dating violence include concrete signs such as physical injury or a decline in grades. Teenagers abused by partners are also more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs or develop eating disorders. Other warning signs include difficulty making decisions and decreased self-esteem, changes in mood and personality, isolation and an urgent need to respond immediately to calls or text messages from a partner. Sharing your concerns about dating violence with your teen can pave the way to trust and getting help.
Abusers
Abusers are not easy to recognize. Teens who abuse their dating partners often suffer from low self-esteem. They may exhibit aggression in other areas of their lives, such as getting into fights or having angry explosions. Abusers may get serious about the relationship quickly and exhibit inordinate jealousy. They may also mix aggression with "play," such as rough-housing, play-wrestling or cruel teasing. Teens who abuse can get help from a psychotherapist, support group, a trusted friend or family member, or from the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline.
The Cycle of Violence
Clinical and family psychologist Lenore Walker, who practices psychology in Hollywood, Florida, has developed a widely accepted model of domestic violence that applies to dating abuse. Though the stages go by various names, they follow the same model. It begins with tension building, when communication breaks down and dynamics become tense between dating partners. This is followed by the explosion phase, when an outburst of violence erupts that can include physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse. The honeymoon phase follows, when the abuser may apologize, shift the blame, minimize the abuse and make promises to act differently. The cycle then repeats, often increasing in intensity.
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