Effective communication involves both speaking and listening skills. In a relationship, the body language, tone and context of communication are just as important as the words being spoken, according to clinical psychologist Dr. Larry Nadig. Communication is successful between two people when the message is correctly sent and received with no misunderstanding.
Codes
Couples develop codes and triggers they use when communicating with each other. They get to know the other person so well that often words are not necessary for effective communication. Until those codes are deciphered and understood however, confusion and misunderstanding can ensue. It often takes time to develop a thorough understanding of another person’s codes, which can lead to a period of time when effective communication seems impossible. Couples need to take time to talk about their reactions and how they are perceived so they can develop a better understanding of each other’s subtleties and nuances.
Clarity
There are a number of steps you can take to avoid misunderstandings when speaking. Consider the volume of your voice, your facial expressions, body language and choice of words. For example, you may be saying something perfectly benign, but if you are shouting and frowning, it may be taken as an attack. Refrain from filling in every conversation with extraneous details until you know you’ve made your point. Make clear statements to avoid confusion and misinterpretation. In a new relationship, avoid coded messages that your partner may not grasp yet. Keep the focus on yourself and your statement without clouding your communication with concern about how you are being perceived. The clearer you are, the more chance you have of being properly understood.
Focus
As a listener, there are precautions you can take to ensure more effective communication. You are more likely to get the full measure of the speaker’s intent when your focus is completely on the other person without distractions. Practice patience, and wait for the other person to finish speaking before responding. For example, if you’re framing your response in your head while your partner is speaking, you might miss an important detail. New couples should use every opportunity to make sure they are interpreting remarks and statements correctly. An effective listener asks questions and reserves judgment until he fully understands what the other person is trying to convey.
Body Language
Both speakers and listeners must pay attention to body language signals to achieve effective communication. Listeners should watch for inconsistencies in the words being spoken and the body language displayed. For example, if your partner says she’s happy with a decision but is clenching her fists and pacing, she may not be telling the truth. Both parties in a relationship also should monitor their own stress levels and avoid confrontation or delicate communication until they have relieved any personal pressure. Take a time out to avoid miscommunication if you are feeling overwhelmed.
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