Conflicts are an unpleasant yet common occurrence. People are bound to disagree in some areas, and these disputes can be very unsettling. While some people find it natural to meet these problems head on, others find themselves shying away from conflict. There are specific signs to look for to determine when someone habitually avoids conflict.
Distancing
Someone avoiding conflict will often distance themselves from others. This will occur even with those with whom he is close. If you notice a friend or family member suddenly avoiding you, it may be that he is trying to divert a potential conflict. For example, if you work with a conflict avoider who begins making excuses to remove himself from your vicinity, there may be a reason. He may have, for example, requested time off which will put more work on you. He knows this could lead to a dispute so he puts physical distance between you and himself. In this manner, he avoids conflict, at least for the present.
Avoiding Intimacy
Often people sidestep any possibility of conflict by refusing to become close to others. This fear of intimacy protects people from arguments, but it also keeps them from enjoying the benefits of friendship and romantic relations. This type of conflict avoidance is extreme. Someone suffering from this isolating behavior needs professional therapy to overcome her fear. Suzanne M. Sutherland, M.D., contends that this behavior could be the result of a mental illness called Avoidant Personality Disorder. This is a serious mental health problem that should be addressed by a qualified counselor.
Distraction
A conflict avoider perfects many techniques in order to be successful. One of these approaches is the art of distraction. When this person knows a dispute is imminent, he will attempt to place focus on a separate issue. For instance, when you become concerned with your friend’s habit of being late, he may distract you from this fact by bringing you a gift or offering to pay for dinner. The conflict avoider will work hard to get your mind off the volatile issue.
People Pleasing
Those who always strive to keep peace use this as a strategy to avoid conflicts. People pleasers will be overly accommodating to the point of sacrificing their self-esteem. These folks will say “yes” to whatever is asked no matter the cost to themselves. They have trouble vocalizing their opinions on intense subjects such as politics for fear of disagreement. Self-confidence exercises such as role playing can aid this type of individual in overcoming her fear of potential conflict.
Giving In
There are some who, though they are not people pleasers, will concede their point of when conflict looms. These individuals have no trouble expressing themselves but will back down if the opposing party becomes insistent. It is though a trigger point is reached at a certain point in the discussion when the person immediately backs down. Always allowing the opposition to “win” will damage this individual’s self-esteem and requires practice and, possibly, counseling to conquer.
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