How to Recognize Conflict

Conflict can erupt seemingly out of nowhere, taking you by surprise and causing havoc in your relationships and in your life. Conflict does not have to be a mysterious, destructive force, however. You can learn how to better recognize conflict when it occurs and how to resolve it in healthy and constructive ways. Conflict often emerges in interpersonal relationships over conflicting goals and unmet needs. Power struggles and previously unresolved disputes can also contribute to the potential for conflict. When left unresolved, conflict can cause distrust and distance within relationships. When resolved in healthy ways, though, conflict can actually strengthen the relationships in your life.

Step 1

Learn to recognize and to understand your own emotional responses, or cues, to situations involving conflict. For example, if you feel anxious or angry when you are having a conversation with a coworker or a family member, these emotions may signal that you are experiencing conflict in that situation or relationship.

Step 2

Pay attention to your own physical cues, or your physiological responses, to conflict. For example, if you experience stomach discomfort, shortness of breath or a headache when talking with your supervisor or your teenage child, these physiological cues may indicate that you are also experiencing conflict in that relationship.

Step 3

Watch and listen for nonverbal cues from the other person, that is, facial, vocal and physical expressions that may signal conflict. For example, your spouse may have a tendency to fidget when uncomfortable or may talk faster in stressful situations, and these nonverbal behaviors can help to highlight the existence of conflict.

Step 4

Notice your own thought patterns, or self-communication. For example, if you find yourself revisiting a conversation with a friend multiple times in your head, thinking about what you want to say or wish you had said to her, your imagined conversations may indicate unresolved conflict in the relationship.

Step 5

Observe areas of frequent or constant stress in your life, as stress often indicates that unresolved tension and conflict exists. For example, if you have an unresolved conflict with a coworker or a supervisor, that conflict may show up as stress symptoms, such as difficulty sleeping and tension, even when you are not at work.

Tips and Warnings

Pay attention to cues or signals of potential conflict. Once you have determined that conflict actually does exist, seek to address it as soon as possible as unresolved conflict accumulates and causes greater division in and damage to relationships over time.
Do not jump to conclusions about nonverbal behaviors as they can have a variety of meanings. Instead, take time to learn more about the person and about what might be the reasons for the nonverbal behaviors, perhaps asking respectful questions when appropriate.