Trying to discipline a difficult child can be an exhausting endeavor. Difficult/spirited children tend to be “more” of everything: more sensitive, intense, stubborn, angry, or energetic. Becky Bailey, author of Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, says effective discipline of your difficult or spirited child begins with your own behavior. When parents are in control of themselves and give clear, consistent instruction to their children, children will show improved self-control as well.
Step 1
Set the stage for a positive response. It will be easier to get your child to behave appropriately if you approach a potentially challenging situation in such a way that your child will want to respond positively. Instead of giving orders, Healthy Place.com recommends describing a situation or problem and allowing your child to come up with the next step or solution. For example, you might say: “It’s time for breakfast” rather than saying, “Sit down and eat your breakfast.” Allowing children to make choices gives them a sense of control. The desire to control situations often lies at the heart of difficult behavior.
Step 2
Allow the child time to act. After you’ve presented the situation, step back and give the child time to comply. If you’re hovering or eyeing him or her, this may invite a battle of wills. HealthyPlace.com recommends backing off, though being ready to clarify information if needed. For example, if your kid doesn’t act right away, you might say, “Your breakfast is on the table. It’s getting cold.”
Step 3
Reward good behavior. When your child behaves appropriately, be sure to thank him or her or give other verbal encouragement. KeepKidsHealthy.com advises that sometimes it may be appropriate to set up a rewards system, so that when you child does comply, he or she gets a small reward.
Step 4
State consequences for inappropriate behavior. Your child must learn that there are consequences for inappropriate behavior. Thus, if he does not act appropriately after being given an opportunity to comply, you need to inform him what the consequences will be if he does not act. You might say, “I need you to eat breakfast now because otherwise we’re going to be late. If you don’t eat now, you’ll have to go to school hungry because we’re leaving the house in five minutes.”
Step 5
Enforce consequences for inappropriate behavior. If you child still does not comply after being told the consequences, you must enforce the consequences stated. Therefore, if you’ve told her that she won’t get any breakfast, if she still doesn’t sit down and eat, then she should not be allowed to have breakfast. HealthyPlace.com says to remain immune to pleading, crying and bargaining. You child must understand the she has made a choice and now she must live with the consequences of her choice.
References
- Keep Kids Healthy: Encouraging Good Behavior
- Healthy Place: Three-Stage Discipline
- Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, Becky A. Bailey (2002)
