Few things can destroy trust quicker and create more insecurity, hurt, anger and confusion than infidelity in a marriage. Coping with your feelings and your partner is often a hard process, and many couples require outside assistance to save their marriages, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, or AAMFT. While each individual situation presents different considerations, you can take control of your feelings by practicing coping techniques that will help you evaluate your relationship and decide what to do.
Step 1
Take time for yourself after learning of a partner’s infidelity. You may feel several different emotions, and speaking or acting before you have a chance to mentally and emotionally process the situation can lead to regrets, warns MayoClinic.com.
Step 2
Discuss your feelings and concerns with a trusted family member or friend. Venting to someone outside the situation can help you clarify your feelings and thoughts, explains MayoClinic.com.
Step 3
Talk about the situation and the thoughts, feelings and events that led up to the infidelity with your partner once you’ve had a chance to cool off and sort through your emotions. While hearing about an affair can be painful, being honest with each other is the first step to fully coping with the situation and beginning the healing process.
Step 4
Seek the help of a marriage counselor or spiritual leader to help you and your partner through the healing process. Marriage counselors are experienced in handling relationship issues, and infidelity is a common reason many couples seek therapy. Even if your partner is not willing to go to counseling, a mental health professional can help you learn strategies to cope with your feelings, explains AAMFT.
Step 5
Take responsibility for your own feelings and actions, regardless of what your partner says or does. While this may be difficult, reaching a point of mental peace where you are fully aware that no one can dictate your happiness or well-being can go a long way in helping you cope with your feelings.
Tips and Warnings
- Discuss your definition of infidelity with your partner, advises MayoClinic.com. What may seem like harmless flirting or attraction to one person may seem like a severe breach of intimacy and trust to another. While it is best to discuss this before you have a problem in your marriage, establishing clear boundaries when coping with infidelity can help reduce the risk of it happening again.
- Some marriages cannot be saved, especially if one partner is unwilling or uninterested in repairing the relationship, explains MayoClinic.com.
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