One of the most difficult parts about having herpes isn't the disease itself, it's the fear and nervousness that comes when preparing to tell a new partner that you have herpes. Whether the diagnosis is HSV-1 or HSV-2, the key to sharing this information is to come armed with information about the disease and a willingness to openly discuss it.
Step 1
Prepare in advance. Before telling your partner that you have herpes, look up everything you can about the disease. Ask your doctor or STD clinic for recommendations of good books or educational pamphlets that explain what herpes is and how it is transmitted.
Step 2
Set aside a time and place to have the discussion. Instead of waiting until in the midst of foreplay, try to arrange a calmer time when you and your partner can talk over coffee or after a nice meal.
Step 3
Practice what you will say in front of a mirror or with a close friend. Try to plan out how you will answer the likely questions, such as how you will protect your partner from catching the disease and how often you have outbreaks.
Step 4
Explain that before the relationship can progress further, you need to tell your partner something that might present a challenge. Don't use wording that will scare your partner such as "incurable disease" or "horrible." Instead, present it as a matter-of-fact medical statement, just like if you were telling your partner that you have diabetes or high blood pressure.
Step 5
Hand your partner a book or pamphlet about the disease and offer to answer any questions. Reassure your partner that you don't consider this a serious disease and that it is extremely common.
Step 6
Give your partner a few days to think about it. Sometimes it's hard to decide what to do when faced with a partner with an STD. If your partner seems uncertain about how to respond, offer to discuss the matter again in a few days after a little time.
Step 7
Whatever the response, be gracious. If you are rejected for having herpes, try to keep in mind that later partners may not react the same way. If your partner decides to continue the relationship, start a discussion about how to stay protected from contracting herpes by practicing safe sex and avoiding sexual activity whenever you have an outbreak.
Tips and Warnings
- Have the discussion about herpes and other STDs before the first time you have sex. Waiting until after that point may cause problems with trust in the relationship.
Things You'll Need
- A book or pamphlet about herpes
