Many people experience occasional social jitters when they start conversations, and sometimes you may find yourself stumped about how to start and what to say. Having a conversation with a girl isn't as difficult as brain surgery. If you stay confident, and keep a few simple pointers in mind, conversation will go a lot smoother. The art of a good conversation involves not just talking, but listening, as well as asking questions and making connections.
Step 1
Reduce your anxiety and minimize negative self talk before starting a conversation with someone, clinical psychologist Helen Zielinski Landon says. Don't label yourself negatively by thinking you're a failure, or you don't know how to talk to people. Focus instead on identifying some of your strengths. Repeat these strengths to yourself before starting a conversation.
Step 2
Start with "ritual questions," says Landon, like "What's your name?" or "How are you?" Ask for information to get the girl engaged in the conversation. Ask if she knows any good restaurants in the area, or the best place to get coffee. Keep in mind where you are, and comment on the situation you're in together.
Step 3
Pick a conversation topic that will spark a lively discussion, author Sue Fox says in her book, "Etiquette for Dummies." Talk about a current event you recently read about in the newspaper, or a recent movie, play or art show.
Step 4
Keep things light when discussing taboo topics, such as sex, politics, religion or money. Offer an honest apology if you sense you've offended a girl, or made her uncomfortable. Use humor to diffuse the situation, if possible.
Step 5
Watch your body language, says communications trainer Don Gabor, author "How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends," and founder of Conversation Arts Media. Don't cross your arms over your chest or lean back, which can make you seem judgmental and skeptical, Gabor says. Instead, lean slightly forward to signal that you're listening and engaged. Make eye contact, and remember to smile.
Step 6
Practice active listening, advises Psychologist Helen Zielinski Landon, to let the girl know you hear her and remain interested. Summarize, paraphrase and clarify parts of her statements, such as "So you went to college in Idaho, that's interesting, what was the weather like?"
Step 7
Connect with the girl by pointing out when you agree, Landon says. Say "me too" or "I also think so" when appropriate.
Step 8
Remember to compliment her, but avoid inappropriate compliments about her breasts or other body parts below the neck, author Sue Fox says. Compliment her smile, her hair, her eyes or her laugh. Compliment the conversation you're having by telling her how much you enjoy talking with her.
Tips and Warnings
- Tell the girl things about yourself, so she can get to know you, but don't over-share and pour your heart out. Practice your conversational skills with friends or relatives first to gain confidence. Be yourself, take a risk and don't be scared of rejection.
- Know when to wrap up a conversation, and make sure she doesn't get bored.
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