If you have ever been in an abusive relationship, or even several, you may feel there is something wrong with you, or that you must subconsciously look for abusive partners. It is important to understand that domestic abuse is never the victim’s fault. You may not have been taught to recognize the potential for abusive behavior in your partners. Even worse, you may have learned the exact opposite from watching your parents in an abusive relationship throughout your childhood. You don’t have to be abused. You can learn how to develop healthy relationships, and learn the signs you need to know to help you stay out of abusive ones.
Step 1
Spend time developing a relationship. A significant early sign of a potentially abusive relationship is pressure for immediate intimacy, or what the American Psychiatric Association calls “a quick whirlwind romance.” Don’t allow your partner to pressure you into more intimacy than you feel ready for. Build your self-confidence and autonomy by taking a class or joining a social group. A healthy partner will be happy that you are expanding your horizons, rather than frustrated or angry that you aren't spending all your time with him.
Step 2
Stay alert for attempts to isolate you, even if they are in the guise of concern. Many abusive partners will try to convince you that your friends and family members don’t care about you, or are a bad influence on you, to break down your supportive relationships, the American Psychiatric Association says. Treat any attempts to convince you that you don’t need to work, take classes or maintain contact with your friends and family members as red flags for a potentially abusive relationship.
Step 3
Know the early signs of an emotionally abusive relationship. Emotional abuse can turn into domestic violence, but even if it doesn’t, it is equally damaging to your health and well being, says HelpGuide.org. Pay special attention if your partner makes hurtful comments that embarrass you in front of your friends, insists on knowing where you are all the time, acts excessively jealous or attempts to control your finances and spending. These are all early signs of overly controlling behavior that will only get worse.
Step 4
Consider how you feel when you are with your partner. Be concerned if you feel afraid of his moods, pressured into uncomfortable situations, feel the need to change your behavior to avoid making him angry, or avoid certain subjects, because he seems oversensitive and belittles your opinions. These feelings can be early symptoms of an abusive relationship, and you should take them seriously, the American Psychiatric Association says. Ensure your partner makes you feel safe and comfortable before becoming heavily involved.
Tips and Warnings
- Recovering from previous abuse can be difficult. Consider seeking medical help or joining a support group before entering a new relationship to reduce the risk of falling into similar patterns.
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