Self-confidence is your belief in your own ability to perform a particular task or a variety of tasks. It should not be mistaken for self-esteem, which is belief in your own ultimate worth, according to psychiatrist Mark Goulston. Self-confidence can be developed by changing the way you think and by utilizing effective goal-setting methods. To improve your self-confidence, you will need to become your own best friend--and a tough but compassionate coach for yourself.
Step 1
Monitor your thoughts, especially during times of distress. You can accomplish this by frequently asking yourself, "What am I thinking right now?" The Mayo Clinic recommends the development of this type of awareness as the first step in changing negative thinking patterns. This will take time and practice.
Step 2
Identify the negative thoughts your mind generates. Negative thoughts are either unrealistic, counterproductive or both. For example, the thought "I'm too stupid to figure out this problem" is unrealistic if the problem is frustrating, but within your mental capabilities. The thought "If I don't start exercising, I'm probably going to die within ten years" may be realistic, but the time spent thinking this thought over and over again would probably be better spent jogging.
Step 3
Seize control of your thoughts by intervening in your negative thoughts, challenging them, eliminating them and replacing them with productive thoughts, advises the Mayo Clinic. Think "This problem is frustrating, but I can solve it," followed by a return to focusing on the problem itself rather than your frustration in solving it. This is an example of productive thinking. Replacing worries about exercise with the command "it's time to go jogging" is another example.
Step 4
Set personal goals according to the SMART goal-setting system, inspired by the research of Edwin Locke, professor emeritus at the University of Maryland School of Business. SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound. Relevant goals are goals that are genuinely important and that genuinely interest you. Time-bound goals come with specific deadlines for achievement.
Step 5
Record the details of each SMART goal that you achieve. The more goals you achieve, the more your self-confidence will grow.
Tips and Warnings
- Steps 1, 2 and 3 are techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy. Many more techniques are available to help cure low self-confidence, low self-esteem, phobias and other maladies.
- Overconfidence in your abilities can lead to a disastrous collapse of self-confidence, resulting in unrealistically low self-confidence. That is one of the main reasons you need to be careful to keep your expectations of yourself realistic.
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