Jealousy is a common emotion, but it can creep into romance, family relationships or even friendship--with devastating results. Sometimes jealousy is a warning that something is wrong, and heeding this instinctive sign can be helpful. However, unfounded jealousy, which comes from insecurity or anxiety, can be extremely destructive. Learning to differentiate between the two, and responding appropriately, can be the key to maintaining successful relationships.
Step 1
Assess your emotions. To tackle jealousy, acknowledge its causes. Jealousy can be a symptom of an underlying problem or fear. Different types of jealousy spring from different causes. You may feel insecure in your romantic relationship because your partner has developed a new hobby, and you feel left out. Jealousy may also stem from a friend enjoying a financial windfall, perceived family favoritism or being passed over for a promotion at work.
Step 2
Plan a positive response. Jealousy is an emotional cue that you can use to your advantage. Instead of wallowing in self-pity because someone else is doing, looking or feeling better than you, use her example as motivation to make changes in your life. The "Seattle Times" reported that bank tellers who were most envious of a colleague’s promotion subsequently improved their job performance more than did their non-jealous co-workers.
Step 3
Develop your sense of self. Jealousy, according to "Psychology Today," is a normal reaction to feeling threatened in a valued relationship. You are less likely to feel threatened if you feel unique. On the other hand, constantly comparing yourself with others, especially in terms of appearance, can generate intense feelings of insecurity, cosmetic surgeon Stuart Kincaid says. It is better focus on what you love, what you do well and what you value, rather than trying to fit some arbitrary standard of beauty or behavior.
Step 4
Listen to your instincts. Not all jealousy is unjustified. If your partner, or even a friend, is behaving strangely, don’t dismiss your jealous feelings out of hand. The feelings may turn out to be unfounded, but they may also be a sign of something wrong in the relationship. "The Dallas Morning News" advice columnist Carolyn Hax suggests analyzing the situation based on your knowledge of the person and your previous relationships. That way you can determine if a real problem exists at the root of your jealousy.
References
- "Psychology Today"; Romantic Jealousy, Mar. 1, 1992
- “Seattle Times”: Workplace Jealousy: It Shoulda Been Mine!; Sheila Norman-Culp; Oct. 26, 2007
- Stuart B Kincaid, M.D.: Comparison and Jealousy Lead to Constant Dissatisfaction
- "The Dallas Morning News": Trust Your Instincts in a Relationship; Carolyn Hax; April 23, 2010
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