A loss of self-confidence is a common response to a disastrous defeat in one of life's many arenas. Nearly everyone experiences such a defeat at some point in their lives, but some people bounce back with great vigor, while others simply give up and are never the same person again. The difference between a temporary defeat and a permanent, life-altering defeat often comes down to mastery of the principles of self-confidence and skill at effective goal-setting.
Seizing Control of Your Mind
Step 1
Ask yourself "What am I thinking right now?" several dozen times a day, especially during times of distress. The purpose is to develop a moment-by-moment awareness of your own thinking, including the way that you talk to yourself.
Step 2
Identify negative patterns in your thinking--ways of thinking that are unrealistic or that cause you unnecessary distress. The Mayo Clinic identifies a number of such thinking patterns, including jumping to conclusions, putting yourself down, filtering out positive aspects of complex situations, all-or-nothing thinking and mistaking feelings for facts.
Step 3
Grab control of your thoughts by intervening in your internal dialogue every time you catch yourself thinking in an unproductive way. Challenge these thoughts and replace them with positive, realistic statements.
Setting Winning Goals
Step 1
Search your heart for your deepest desires and develop a vision of how you would like your life to be. Do not censor yourself at first. After you have developed a vision, screen out unrealistic or unethical aspects of your vision, but keep your modified vision as close as possible to the original. This may require some creativity.
Step 2
Translate your internal vision into performance-based, written goals. Your goals should be performance-based rather than outcome-based to give yourself maximum control over their achievement. "Run a mile in five minutes or less" is an example of a performance-based goal. "Win the Boston Marathon" is an outcome-based goal because its achievement depends on the performance of other competitors--a factor you can't control.
Step 3
Record your goals in some tangible form. The act of recording your goals is a powerful motivator, according to Psychology Today magazine. It also allows you to keep track of your goals and notice when you have achieved them.
Step 4
Break your goals down into mini-goals, so that you will achieve at least one goal every day. Make sure every mini-goal is specific, challenging and achievable, advises Psychology Today. Review your accomplishments periodically and keep track of your achievements.
Tips and Warnings
- Seek out positive, self-confident people and spend as much time as you can associating with them. Remember that arrogance is a sign of insecurity, not self-confidence.
- Overconfidence can set you up for a disastrous loss of self-confidence when you fail to perform as well as you expected. Avoid both underestimating and overestimating your abilities.
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