Conflict can occur between children of any ages, at home or in the classroom. Conflict between children is not only a normal part of childhood, but also an important part of social interaction, Edyth Wheeler reports in the ERIC Digest. Learning healthy conflict resolution methods as a child improves coping and communication skills, and promotes better relationships into adulthood.
Sibling Rivalry
Jealousy and competition are common causes of conflict among siblings, and this is often called sibling rivalry. Types of conflict vary by the age, personalities and needs of the children of involved. As Wheeler points out, “Younger children are more often involved in object issues and use more physical strategies, while older children disagree over social issues and use more verbal negotiation and reasoning.”
Conflict among children in the home can be a mirror of how parents handle conflict. Children whose parents become aggressive during conflict will also display aggression, whereas children whose parents consistently model healthy conflict resolution will typically find peaceable solutions to disagreements with their siblings.
Conflict in the Classroom
Conflict between peers is inevitable. Disputes can occur between children during group or pair play. Teachers sometimes use minor conflict as a “teachable" moment. If possible, separate the students to allow them to calm down. Then listen to both accounts, identify the problem and discuss appropriate solutions.
Some school systems use peer mediators. The mediators are designated, trained students who act as neutral parties in conflict resolution. They help the fighting students reach a compromise or solution.
Teaching Conflict Resolution
Many developmental psychologists believe that adults should avoid involvement in children’s disputes unless there is risk of physical injury. Monitor the situation closely, and observe each child’s methods of conflict resolution. When the situation is over, talk to the children involved. Discuss how they handled the dispute and what they could do differently next time. If the children came to a healthy resolution without adult intervention, let them know you are aware, and praise them for coming to a peaceable agreement.
Outcomes
There are generally four outcomes of conflict between children. Children may drop the issue and move on to something else; this is particularly common among younger children. One child may submit to the wishes of the other, establishing a “winner” of the conflict. An adult may intervene and either resolve or end the conflict. However, the ideal outcome is for the children to arrive at a mutually agreed-upon solution or compromise. This outcome involves healthy communication and reasoning skills, and is more likely to occur in mature children.
Bullying
Bullying is a type of conflict among children in which adults should always intervene. Bullying has serious consequences, including depression and suicide among victims.
According to the Stop Bullying Now! organization, “Bullying is aggressive behavior that is intentional, repeated over time, and involves an imbalance of power or strength.” A bully is not interested in resolving conflict or reaching solutions. Rather, he wants to dominate and intimidate another child.
Bullying may take the form of physical abuse, verbal abuse or cyberbullying, in which the bully intimidates or torments his victim over the Internet or through cell phone texting. Stop Bullying Now! reports that about 20 percent of children are victims of bullying, with a roughly equal number of children admitting to being bullies.
