According to Mental Health America (MHA), codependency is a tendency to form relationships which are one-sided, unsatisfying, and in some cases abusive. These relationships were first identified in families of alcoholics. A codependent person will ignore the presence of serious problems in a relationship and ignore his or her own needs in order to maintain a relationship with another individual. It is common for codependent individuals to have difficulty identifying how they feel, and they tend to make excessive sacrifices for their partners. Codependents Anonymous(CODA), offers support groups and recovery tools for codependents to help them learn new behaviors and healthier ways of relating.
Step 1
Seek support from a professional counselor or group, such as CODA. Learning new patterns of relating can be an intensive process, requiring professional support. According to MHA, patterns of codependency typically result from our families of origin. Individuals must identify their patterns of denial, low self-esteem, compliance, and control within primary relationships. As denial of serious issues is removed, codependent individuals begin to recognize how they feel and how they express these feelings to others. Experts at MHA note that professional and group support is critical in this process. Recording thoughts and reflections in a journal is also an important process during treatment. As individuals track new experiences they often begin to see their relationships changing and improving.
Step 2
Create time dedicated to individual activities and outside friendships. According to MHA, codependent people often sacrifice their own desires and needs for others. By developing new interests and outside activities, they can create some space between themselves and those who are overly dependent on them. Joining new activities such as classes, clubs, or volunteer organizations creates an opportunity for independent experiences, recreational time, and new friendships. Doing so creates space for both partners to develop themselves outside of their relationship.
Step 3
Identify areas of low self-esteem, and choose an area to improve. According to CODA, codependent people often have poor self-esteem, and they to feel they do not deserve a fulfilling relationship. Identifying specific areas of low self-esteem can help an individual to see they are often false beliefs. CODA notes that once these areas of low self-confidence are identified, individuals can begin to take actions to improve their self-concept.
For example, codependent individuals may feel unskilled or unintelligent. By identifying areas of knowledge and skills, they may slowly begin to see specific areas of strengths and weaknesses, refuting the false belief that they are simply "no good" or "stupid." Discussions with support group members often help during this process, as people get feedback from others, forcing them to question false beliefs and to see their strengths.
Step 4
Attend couples or family therapy sessions with a relationship partner or family members. In addition to attending support groups or individual counseling, many codependent individuals benefit from couples counseling or family therapy because shared sessions provide a needed opportunity to communicate with partners about needs and feelings. A codependent person can learn new patterns of behavior, but his or her partner must also adjust to these changes in order to improve the relationship.
Things You'll Need
- Reading material about codependency
- Referrals to support groups
- Referrals for counseling
- Journal
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