According to the Central Intelligence Agency, the United States ranks as 44th in the world for infant mortality. For every 1,000 babies born in the United States, more than six die within the first year of life. But parents who have experienced infant loss know that their experiences are much more than a government statistics. When you've lost an infant, you mourn the loss of your child and the loss of the future you planned for that child. Take time to work through your feelings, and remember that there is no right or wrong way to cope with infant loss.
Step 1
Follow the Kubler-Ross grief model to understand the emotions you're feeling. She hypothesized that after a death, grief follows a certain pattern, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When your emotions are so confusing that you don't understand them, knowing that it's a natural part of the grief process can help you examine your feelings. Whether you feel guilty about something you did, you're angry with a health care provider or you feel isolated, they're all part of the healing process.
Step 2
Spend as much time as you need with your baby. If you know that your baby has a shortened life span, take time to hold him. If he's already passed, it's fine to hold him before you begin his memorial and funeral arrangements, according to Dr. William Sears, pediatrician and Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California, Irvine, School of Medicine.Take time to talk, hug and enjoy your baby, and create sweet memories to lean on later on.
Step 3
Acknowledge the life of your baby. Even if your baby was stillborn or only lived a few minutes or hours after birth, your infant has changed and affected your life. It might be difficult for some family members or friends to understand the connection you had with your baby, according to the Mayo Clinic, so it's important that you talk about your baby so they are able to know her as well as you did. Vocalizing your feelings can also be therapeutic. Talk to someone you trust, like a family member, friend, nurse or therapist.
Step 4
Arrange a funeral or memorial for your baby, to help you find closure. The memorial service can contain pictures, songs, poems and a few words to give you a chance to say goodbye to your little one. Invite supportive people who understand your grief and your need to say goodbye in a formal way.
Step 5
Find a support system to talk to long after the death. The grief over losing a child, no matter what age, will stay with you long after the memorial or funeral. A support group, such as those available through Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, can help you to connect with parents who have suffered a similar loss. Or create a ritual that keeps you connected to your baby. For instance, you could plant a tree each year on his birthday or keep a baby blanket that belonged to him close by. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so find your own ways to feel supported and connected.
