According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), divorce can produce a wide variety of stressful transitions, and partners may encounter conflict with each other due to stress. Divorce can produce confusion, grief and insecurity, and partners who do not manage these feelings well may find themselves locked in angry disagreements. The AAMFT notes that partners who minimize conflict tend to have easier transitions to single life. Spouses with children can also ease their children's transitions by minimizing conflict and establishing a sense of cooperation.
Step 1
Attend divorce counseling sessions to create a sense of closure and a structure for future communication. The AAMFT and the Mayo Clinic note that many marriage and family therapists offer counseling for divorcing couples. Through these services, couples can process anger and grief about the loss of a relationship and often come to a point of understanding and collaboration. Working through anger and resentments can be key to finding a sense of peace and cooperation with an ex-spouse. Professional counseling can guide people through some of the more difficult aspects of communicating about the end of a marriage.
Step 2
Contract a mediator to structure the divorce negotiations. Divorcing couples have many options regarding how a divorce is negotiated and processed through the courts. One option is to use mediation, and the AAMFT notes that mediation can foster a sense of communication and facilitate reaching agreements. Mediation contrasts highly with litigation, in which the two sides tend to protect their interests through legal representation. Consulting a professional mediator will give a couple the opportunity to explore methods of communication and negotiation that often lead to a deeper level of cooperation.
Step 3
Use collaborative divorce to avoid litigation. According to the AAMFT, a collaborative divorce depends largely on the assistance of professionals. Couples make a legal agreement, through their attorneys, to avoid litigation during the divorce. Professionals such as marriage and family therapists offer resources for coaching couples through the series of decisions that must be made when a marriage ends, and sharing property or child custody must be discussed. A collaborative process can also include mental health professionals who serve as child specialists to provide valuable input on the needs and concerns of the children. Finally financial professionals may also hold meetings to advise couples regarding a fair division of assets. In the collaborative divorce process, professionals focus on finding a fair and peacefully negotiated outcome.
Step 4
Accept the divorce and the end of the relationship. Experts at the University of Iowa Extension suggest that accepting the end of a marriage is the key to coping with divorce and moving on in a constructive manner. Individuals must confront negative feelings and accept that the marriage has come to an end in order to redirect their energies in new and perhaps more positive directions. Denial of the divorce or the end of the relationship allows an individual to put more energy into the relationship when, in many cases, the energy might be better spent on self-care, future goals or parenting.
Things You'll Need
- Referrals for Marriage and Family Therapists
- Referrals for qualified divorce mediator
