The death of a family pet is a sad occasion, and you may be at a loss as to the best way to explain the event to children. PetPlace.com notes the death of a pet is often a child's first experience with loss; how you handle it can have a profound effect on your child's understanding of death and dying.
Step 1
Tell children clearly but gently that the pet has died. Avoid using euphemisms for death, such as "went to sleep." According to PetPlace.com, this phrase may actually create more anxiety in children, who may begin to fear the act of sleeping (see References 1). Resist the temptation to say that the animal ran away, went to live elsewhere, or found a new home. The children may decide to go looking for the pet. In addition, when they eventually learn--or figure out--the truth years later, they may question what else you lied about.
Step 2
Be straightforward about the meaning of "dying." For young children, you can say that the animal's body stopped working. But it is important for children to know the animal won't be coming back. PetPlace.com advocates honesty as the best policy but notes you may need to take into account the child's ability to understand death, and deliver your explanation accordingly.
Step 3
Show your own feelings of loss and grief. By expressing your own sorrow, you send the message that the pet was indeed loved and special, that grief is appropriate and that the children are not the only ones feeling bereaved. Your honest display of sadness may encourage children to open up about their own feelings.
Step 4
Assure children that they did not do or think anything that caused the animal's death. According to PetEducation.com, young children may think they played a role in the death, and blame themselves for it. Even if children don't voice fears that they were responsible, it is still a good policy to calmly reassure them that they did not contribute in any way to the pet's death.
Step 5
Answer the children's questions about the circumstances of the animal's death. If the animal was euthanized, explain that their pet was very sick and was given a painless injection that allowed it to die without suffering. PetEducation.com points out that you might want to explain that this is entirely different from the shot a child receives at the pediatrician's office.
Step 6
Memorialize the pet by engaging in a family ceremony of remembrance. Depending on your preference, you can hold a funeral service, write eulogies, give speeches, light candles, or plant a tree in the pet's memory. Framing a picture of the pet, and displaying it in a place of honor, can also be helpful. The ASPCA suggests assembling a photo album arranged in chronological order, and asking children to contribute information about your pet's favorite toys, treats and things to do.
Step 7
Resist the temptation to quickly replace the pet with another; this could give the impression that pets are replaceable and interchangeable commodities. In addition, children may feel as if they are being disloyal to the old pet. PetPlace.com recommends waiting until children express serious interest in getting another pet. Even then, you should proceed slowly and thoughtfully.
Tips and Warnings
- According to PetPlace.com, you should notify your children's teachers about the loss of the pet so that they can understand the reason your child may behave differently in class for a while. Encourage your children to write songs, stories or poems about the pet. The creative act can help them move through their grief.
Things You'll Need
- Photo album
- Pictures of the pet
- Picture frame
- Candles (optional)
- Young tree (optional)
