Coping with parents as they age can place a strain on relationships and create stress for families. A growing number of adult children must face the changes in family dynamics as their parents become elderly and less independent. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention predicts a sharp rise in the elderly population of the United States by 2030. Due to the aging baby boomer generation and longer life expectancies, the population of Americans who are 65 and older will rise to 71 million by 2030 and account for approximately 20 percent of the U.S. population.
Step 1
Talk to your parents early on to understand their wishes as they become older and less self-sufficient. If possible, it is best to talk to your aging parents about the future while they are still healthy and fully functioning. While this may be a sensitive topic and feel uncomfortable, it is best to know your parents’ wishes.
Step 2
Watch for signs that your parents have unaddressed health issues or are struggling with activities of daily living. Some aging individuals are very proud and do not want to admit they need help. Look for signs such as weight loss, frequent falls and accidents, changes in mood or personality or signs of poor personal care. If you have concerns, suggest that your parents visit their doctor. If they resist, offer to go with them or contact their doctor directly.
Step 3
Learn about any illness or disease your parents have and understand the prognosis for the future. By educating yourself about their condition, you will have appropriate expectations and be able to plan ahead.
Step 4
Look at the situation from your parents' perspective. Remember that your parents may be having a difficult time adjusting to the changes in their lives and they may feel like they are a burden on others. Many struggle with the reversal in roles when they realize they must depend on their children.
Step 5
Encourage your parents to remain active in activities that are safe and enjoyable. It is important for older adults to interact with others and feel like a productive member of society. You may need to help by finding transportation or ways to make certain activities less demanding.
Step 6
Look to other family members or community resources to help meet your parents’ needs. Sometimes others do not realize the extent of your parents' problems, or you may have to ask them directly for help. Check with your local Agency on Aging to learn of programs and other assistance available in your area.
Step 7
Take care of yourself and seek support if you begin to feel overwhelmed. Coping with elderly parents can be mentally and physically exhausting. You will have more trouble dealing with your parents’ issues if you allow yourself to become tired and run down. You must find time to rest, eat well and talk about your feelings with others. Many communities have caregiver support groups that provide understanding and encouragement.
Tips and Warnings
- As you help plan for your parents' future, it is wise to consult an elder law attorney who specializes in estate planning and establishing advance medical directives.
