Even when it’s what you want, divorce is never easy. It affects your finances, your feelings about yourself and your children. It helps if you have a blueprint going in to follow through each step of the process.
Preparation
Step 1
Take your time leaving, advises Violet Woodhouse, author of “Divorce and Money: How to Make the Best Decisions During Divorce”. Anticipate that you’ll need two to six months to lay the groundwork before you can file for divorce.
Step 2
Copy every document you can get your hands on whether you think it’s important or not. Collect statements for bank accounts, credit cards and retirement funds. Find your mortgage and the deed to your home, titles to your cars and auto loan statements. Take everything to a copy service, then stash the duplicates with a family member or trusted friend. Make a record of everything the two of you own or owe.
Step 3
Open a bank account in your sole name, though Woodhouse cautions against seeding it with money from a joint account. You should also establish at least one credit card in your own name if you don’t have one already. Begin building a credit record of your own.
Legal Process
Step 1
Consult with an attorney, even if you don’t end up retaining one. Divorce law is a morass of technicalities that shift from state to state. Laymen cannot be expected to know and understand them all, but most judges will expect you to know the ropes if you try to represent yourself.
Step 2
Learn the divorce process in your state so you know what to expect step by step. After you file for divorce, you may want to file a motion to have the court set temporary orders in place for support and visitation pending your divorce. Then you–or your lawyer–will need to spend some time on discovery, determining all assets and debts of the marriage. Now all those copies you made will become very important.
Step 3
Negotiate. After you or your lawyer has completed the discovery process, try to reach a settlement with your husband. This is best done with a cool head, so try to leave any anger or resentment you’re feeling outside the door. If you can’t negotiate a deal between you without help, try mediation. Your only other alternative is to go to trial where your fate will be decided by a judge.
Recovery
Step 1
Keep busy. Devote your energies to your income and financial health. According to a study published in 1996 by Richard Peterson of the Social Science Research Council in New York, a woman’s standard of living drops by 27 percent after divorce. Refuse to be a statistic.
Step 2
Erase the memories. Rid yourself and your home of the little reminders of him. Box up photos and put them in the attic for awhile. Give his bowling trophy back to him or give it away, but don’t let it stay on your shelf, a constant testament to what used to be. If you have children, he'll always be on the periphery of your life, but that's exactly where you should keep him--outside looking in.
Step 3
Make new friends. The people who knew you as half of a couple may begin to feel uncomfortable around you once you’re divorced. You may want to carve out a new social niche for yourself with people who are in the same stage of life that you are. Consider support groups, parent groups, singles groups or find others who share your hobby.
