To communicate effectively, you must clearly convey thoughts and emotions both verbally and nonverbally. Many times, emotional barriers on your part or the part of the person you are speaking with may inhibit your ability to communicate on an effective level. Your emotional state may influence your capacity to make yourself understood and hamper your understanding of others, according to Patricia McBride and Susan Maitland in their book "The EI Advantage: Putting Emotional Intelligence into Practice."
Anxiety and Depression
If you are feeling agitated, anxious or depressed, you may misunderstand what others are saying. When you feel distracted by anxious or depressed emotional states, you may wrongly experience others as attacking you when they are trying to provide constructive criticism or advice. You may speak faster, appear introverted or be distracted by whatever it is that is making you feel unsettled. You might interrupt frequently or stop listening to the other person. You may think the other person does not care about how you feel, regardless of whether this is accurate.
Stress
Stress levels can play an important role in your ability to communicate effectively. According to psychologists Jeanne Segal and Jaelline Jaffe in their book "The Language of Emotional Intelligence," if you are experiencing a high level of stress, you may be unable to adequately communicate your own needs or to really hear what another person is saying. You may be cranky, overwhelmed, irritable or distracted. The stress may leave you feeling unable to deal with your own needs, and therefore unable to deal with the needs or emotions of others.
Insecurity
Insecurity is one of the most common reasons for a communication breakdown in relationships, according to Dr. Joseph Nowinski in his book "The Tender Heart: Conquering Your Insecurity." Fear of expressing your feelings can lead to misunderstandings, miscommunication and ultimately, may make you resentful that the other person cannot read your mind and decipher your thoughts and emotions. Those who feel insecure, have a tendency to emotionally withdraw or become depressed or irritable for no apparent reason. You may hear everything another person says as a criticism or attack, putting you on the defense and making you unable to truly hear what they are saying.
References
- "The EI advantage: putting emotional intelligence into practice;" Patricia McBride and Susan Maitland; 2001
- "The Language of Emotional Intelligence;" Jeanne Segal, Ph.D and Jaelline Jaffe, Ph.D; 2008
- "The Tender Heart: Conquering Your Insecurity;" Dr. Joseph Nowinski; 2001
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