Although toddlers may not fully understand divorce, they most certainly feel its impact. It is a mistake to assume that your toddler is too young to benefit from a conversation about your divorce, says clinical social worker Laura Betts of Babyzone. Toddlers tend to rely on the stability of routine and don't take well to change. Divorce represents a significant disruption in a child's status quo, particularly in terms of one parent leaving the home.
Step 1
Reassure your toddler. Tell him that divorce does not mean abandonment. According to Betts, separation anxiety is a normal aspect of toddler development, and divorce will likely intensify this feeling. Be sure to let your child know that you and his other parent still love him very much, and that although one of you will be living elsewhere, you are both still his parents. Remind him that he will see his other parent regularly, and that many of his routines will be the same.
Step 2
Steer clear of time. Toddlers live in the moment and have difficulty conceptualizing time, says Kim Leon, a human development and family studies specialist with the University of Missouri. Telling a toddler "you will see daddy on Saturday" will likely only confuse her because she doesn't grasp when Saturday is. Be patient with her questions, which might be repetitive.
Step 3
Be civil when discussing the other parent. Your child is already experiencing a loss, and it will only further traumatize him to hear you put down your estranged spouse, Betts says. Be sensitive to a toddler's awareness and tendency to overhear conversations, and watch what you say about the other parent in his presence.
Step 4
Anticipate some acting out. The toddler years are a time of pushing limits and establishing autonomy, Leon says, and the trauma of divorce may exacerbate this. Be patient with your child's emotions while setting healthy limits and boundaries for her. Children of this age need healthy parameters enforced in a gentle way; it helps them feel secure.
Tips and Warnings
- Encourage your toddler to express her feelings. Toddlers may open up through play or while reading a storybook, Leon says. Lean on family members and friends for support. Familiar faces and loved ones will comfort your toddler.
