Although many people who discover their spouse has been unfaithful decide to end the marriage, many others choose to work things out. Doing so takes a great deal of commitment, dedication, hard work and a willingness to be vulnerable in exploring feelings. However, when both partners are willing to put forth the time and energy to resolve the issues surrounding the affair, it is possible to overcome the infidelity and have a happy marriage.
Step 1
Take some time apart. Emotions often are intense when one partner is unfaithful, and taking time apart to process emotions independently of one another can be useful, according to the Mayo Clinic. Some couples need only a couple of hours or days apart, while others need several weeks or months to process their feelings.
Step 2
Seek counseling. Marriage counseling can help you learn to communicate more effectively and change negative thought patterns that might be damaging your relationship, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Individual counseling, family counseling or support groups also might be beneficial.
Step 3
Find the causes of the infidelity. Why a person cheats varies greatly, but often infidelity indicates an underlying unhappiness. For example, one partner might feel he is not getting enough attention in the marriage, while another might be resentful of something her spouse is doing. If you can resolve the cause of the infidelity, you might have a better chance of saving your marriage.
Step 4
Reaffirm commitment to the marriage. Make sure both of you are on the same page about where to go from here. Couples who do not share similar desires for continuing their marriage may not be able to save the relationship.
Step 5
Be willing to start fresh. While it is difficult to forgive a cheating spouse, it is often more difficult, or even impossible, to forget about the transgression. However, if you decide to remain in the marriage, don't bring up the infidelity in future arguments.
Step 6
Take things one day at a time. Do not dwell on the past or worry about the future, but instead only deal with the present situation. Concentrate on what you can do, right now, to improve the marriage. Although recovering from the infidelity is difficult, it can happen when both parties recommit and work every single day on improving the marriage.
Tips and Warnings
- Self-help books about infidelity also might help you with this issue.
- If both partners are not willing to work on improving the marriage and putting the infidelity behind them, the marriage may not survive.
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