Self-confidence cannot be seen, heard or touched—yet your level of self-confidence exerts a powerful influence on nearly every aspect of your life. Moreover, the self-confidence of many people is fragile, meaning that it is difficult to build and easy to lose. Fortunately, sturdy self-confidence is not the sole province of people with lucky genes. It can be developed with patience, persistence and an understanding of principles of psychology. Lasting self-confidence is created in large measure with building blocks that you already have an abundant supply of: your thoughts.
Step 1
Set realistic goals and achieve them, advises the State University of New York Counseling Services. Meeting your goals will give you a pleasant and confidence-boosting sense of accomplishment. It is important that your goals be neither unrealistically low nor unrealistically high. Unrealistically low goals will feel meaningless even if you achieve them, and unrealistically high goals will either set you up for failure or cause more stress than they are worth.
Step 2
Do good deeds for others. Helping those less fortunate than you is one of the best ways to feel good about yourself, according to the Illini Union, a resource for the University of Illinois community. Involving yourself in volunteer work might also help you build skills that can further add to your sense of accomplishment.
Step 3
Keep a journal in which you put a positive spin on the events of your life. You shouldn't be unrealistic—simply spend time looking for and recording positive aspects of events that you might otherwise have classified as negative. When you fail, write down what you can learn from the experience and make sure you learn it. When you succeed, be sure to note it in your journal. Review your journal regularly in order to remember your past successes and to practice looking at life in a positive light.
Step 4
Seize control of your thoughts, advises the Mayo Clinic. Cultivate the habit of mentally noting your own thoughts several times a day and classifying them as either positive or negative. Negative thoughts are thoughts that are unrealistic or counterproductive. Once you develop skills at identifying your own negative thoughts, challenge them, dismiss them and replace them with positive but realistic thoughts.
Step 5
Identify the source of your negative thoughts. In many cases, the voice of your own self-criticism will sound suspiciously similar to an authority figure in your past. If so, this person is likely to be the original source of these thoughts. Identifying the source of your negative thoughts will help you to become more compassionate towards yourself, says psychologist Lisa Firestone.
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