Conflict and change often occur simultaneously in life, with conflict ushering in the need for change or change resulting in the development of conflict. In your personal and your professional life, you most likely will have to navigate the challenges associated with conflict and change on a fairly regular basis. You may have a new supervisor at work who begins to make changes to the department, your spouse may go back to college or decide to take a job in another state, or one of your children may begin to struggle academically in school. Whatever the reasons for the conflict and change you are experiencing, you can learn how to respond to it in healthy and effective ways.
Step 1
Learn to better understand and to handle the negative emotions that you experience in the midst of conflict and change, such as anger, fear, anxiety and sadness. Jeanne Segal, in the article “Conflict Resolution Skills: Managing and Resolving Conflict in a Positive Way,” explains that these emotions, when not handled effectively, can actually further escalate conflict and complicate the change process.
Step 2
Seek to keep lines of communication open among all parties involved in the conflict, whether family members or coworkers. When individuals begin to pull away and to create walls between themselves and others who are involved, navigating the conflict and the change becomes even more complicated.
Step 3
Turn your focus to caring for the needs of others who are involved, taking time to listen to their thoughts and feelings about the situation. Seek to learn why a person is expressing preference for a particular solution or experiencing a certain emotion about the conflict and change. Persist in this process until you understand the perspectives of those involved.
Step 4
Look for the possible good that can come out of the conflict or the change, as well as for opportunities that may be beneficial and helpful to those involved. Gary Smalley, in “Keys to Loving Relationships,” describes this process as “treasure hunting” and explains that it can help you not only to persevere but also to encourage others.
Step 5
Find a creative, win-win solution to the situation that you are facing. Gary Smalley, in “The DNA of Relationships,” recommends asking for suggestions from everyone involved, and seeking to reach a mutually satisfying resolution. Although doing so takes time, resolution helps to strengthen rather than damage or destroy the relationships that exist.
Tips and Warnings
- Learn how to take ownership over your own actions and to ask for forgiveness when necessary. Situations of conflict and change often bring out the worst behaviors of those involved, and proactively addressing harmful and hurtful words and actions can help to keep the conflict from escalating even more.
- Do not allow conflict to reach a deadlock, where those involved are not moving forward toward a healthy, mutual resolution. Instead, seek outside, objective intervention and support when necessary to help navigate the issues and concerns of those involved.
References
- “The DNA of Relationships”; Gary Smalley; 2004
- “Keys to Loving Relationships”; Gary Smalley; 2003
- HelpGuide.org: “Conflict Resolution Skills: Managing and Resolving Conflict in a Positive Way”
