Anger is a healthy emotion that needs to be given appropriate outlets, according to the book "Being Ourself" by Ty Clement. Anger itself isn't problematic unless its expression is violent or abusive; likewise, suppressing anger can manifest in other behavioral problems. When children have outlets for this volatile emotion, they're more effective communicators, notes Clement. Teach your child how to manage angry feelings with communication skills and self-awareness techniques. This will help him control his emotions without losing the ability to express his feelings effectively.
Handling Anger
Step 1
Teach your child to breathe when she feels angry. Yogic patterns of breathing may help children who struggle with angry emotions, according to YogaKids.com. Tell your child to breathe in for a count of five and out for a count of five until her rage begins to fade into a more manageable emotion.
Step 2
Help your child learn words of emotionality so he can label the feelings he's struggling to control. A child who understands how to use multiple words that describe his feelings of anger is better equipped to explain how he feels.
Step 3
Give your child your full attention and respect. Children are more likely to release anger appropriately when treated as a whole person. As your child uses positive communication skills to express her feelings of anger, give her nurturing feedback to express how proud you are of her for using words to express her anger and dissatisfaction.
Step 4
Teach your child to move away from a situation that makes him angry. Finding a calming space to breathe out his anger is a skill he can use throughout his lifetime. If you feel your child's anger is the result of being teased or bullied by his peers, address the situation with sensitivity and ensure this does not continue. Though being bullied by peers is a common side effect of "socialization," your child needs to know it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help. Your ability to communicate with his teachers offers a teaching opportunity in the method of using words to effectively express displeasure in a situation.
Step 5
Give your child self-help tools for finding tranquility. Lavender essential oil is used by aromatherapists to calm emotions. Provide your child with an eye mask that has a few drops of lavender essential oil on it. Tell your child that when she feels angry, she needs to find a quiet place to sit where she can put the mask on until she calms down. Teach your child to breathe deeply and slowly while wearing the mask. Ask her to imagine that the hot fire of anger is being blown out of her body, while the cool, healing air of life is entering to give her peace of mind.
Set an Example
Step 1
Avoid triggering your child's anger. Try to identify the issues that make your child angry and find alternatives. Parents often inadvertently fuel their child's anger by ignoring the signs that lead to angry situations, according to the book "The Angry Child" by Timothy Murphy and Loriann Hoff Oberlin.
Step 2
Use yogic breathing instead of yelling, even when the person in front of you is driving 15 miles below the speed limit. Show your child that this breathing technique also is effective for grown-ups. This will give him insight into the reality that adults also need to control their anger.
Step 3
Avoid yelling, hitting, slapping or spanking your child. This type of behavior only teaches her that as long as you're bigger, it's OK to express yourself violently, according to "The Attachment Parenting Book" by William Sears and Martha Sears. Use expressive, non-abusive words when speaking with your child--this provides a powerful message in acceptable communication. Show your child that while you believe anger is appropriate in certain situations, it's a powerful emotion that must not be used to control or hurt others. Model this by changing your own angry reactions to aggravating situations.
Step 4
Express your feelings of anger to conclusion. Showing your child that angry emotions can end on a positive note teaches him that problems can and should be solved in a non-violent manner. For instance, if you have a dispute with your partner, model positive communication by putting yourself in your partner's shoes so you can see his point of view. Use "I" statements to express how you feel instead placing blame. Work together to find a solution that's acceptable for both parties. Express how good you feel about finding alternatives that work for everyone. When your child sees positive communication in action, he's more likely to use it.
Step 5
Reward your child's efforts to control her temper. If you catch your child using positive ways to express her feelings, comment on her behavior. Children are more likely to repeat behaviors that are rewarded.
Tips and Warnings
- An abundance of negative attention often is viewed as a reward, so keep negative feedback to a minimum. Search for opportunities to praise your child's efforts.
- If you think your child's anger is abnormal, consult with your health care provider or a mental health specialist. One in 10 children suffers from a mental health issue, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Parents with a child whose anger is related to mental illness can benefit from the support of others who understand their child's behaviors aren't related to poor parenting.
Things You'll Need
- Lavender essential oil
- Eye mask
References
- "The Attachment Parenting Book;" William Sears and Martha Sears; 2001
- "Being Ourself;" Ty Clement; 2009
- "The Angry Child;" Timothy Murphy and Loriann Hoff Oberlin; 2002
- "How Children Learn;" John Holt; 1995
- YogaKids: Super Chill
