"You're not listening to me!" Parents say this all the time to their children. The reverse is true as well--kids often tell their parents they're not listening to them. According to the Child Development Institute, good communication is essential to building a child's self esteem and fostering a mutual respect, whether parenting a toddler or a teenager. However, communication does not happen overnight, and it is not a one-time or occasional thing. Communicating with your child has to happen early, and often.
Step 1
Start early. From the time your child learns to talk, make yourself available to listen. According to the Center for Effective Parenting, parents who show their children acceptance and understanding create a climate for effective reciprocal communication. A child who knows that his parents love and accept him unconditionally is more likely to share his thoughts, concerns and feelings.
Step 2
Listen carefully. Let your child know that what she has to say is important. You can do this by giving her your undivided attention and maintaining eye contact while she is speaking. Turn off the television or computer if necessary, and avoid the temptation to interrupt. When your child is done speaking, summarize what she has told you so she knows you have heard her.
Step 3
Ask open-ended questions. Try to avoid questions that generate one-word answers. Use words, such as "how" and "where," and avoid yes and no questions. Be careful, however, not to ask too many questions, which may lead your child to feel as if he is being attacked or interrogated.
Step 4
Keep it brief. The younger your child is, the shorter his attention span will be. According to Dr. Sears, a pediatrician and author of more than 30 books about child development, the longer the parent speaks, the less the child will hear. Aim for frequent, rather than lengthy, conversations.
Step 5
Speak to your child's level, physically and emotionally. Kneel or sit to his level so you can look at him while you are talking. In speaking to toddlers or very young children, keep your sentences very short. For example, say "no hit," instead of "it is unacceptable to hit your brother on the head."
Step 6
Model communication. Your child will learn how to communicate by watching you. She will notice how you talk to your children and other adults, including your spouse. If parents communicate freely and openly, a child will learn to do the same.
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