Tweens go through dramatic body changes and strive for peer acceptance. This equation commonly lends itself to tweens’ insecurities about what they perceive to be flaws in everything from their shape and size to what they wear and how they wear it. If you lather your tween with empty compliments, he may not take your words to heart. However, if you learn to praise and encourage him in a meaningful way, you will help him develop the self-confidence he needs as he matures into a young adult.
Step 1
Praise her positive personality traits. Your tween is constantly surrounded by messages about fixing physical flaws and looking attractive, so your telling her that she is “pretty” in a certain outfit reemphasizes that skin-deep attributes are more important than what’s inside. Compliment her compassion for others, her positive outlook and—if she does look nice in that outfit she put together—her creativity, suggests Scholastic.com.
Step 2
Applaud his effort over the outcome, says The Nemours Foundation. His willingness to try at something is more important than whether he got the science fair award or made the soccer team this time around. Lavishing him with praise only when he succeeds may cause him to lose faith in himself if he doesn’t initially succeed at something else later on.
Step 3
Hug her, kiss her, pat her on the back and give her high fives. She might resist displays of affection—especially if you try to kiss her in front of her friends—but this positive physical contact reminds her of your unconditional love, says The Nemours Foundation.
Step 4
Praise him spontaneously. He needs all the self-esteem boosts he can get. Just commending his willingness to clean his room and telling him you’re proud of him from time to time can make a big difference. The Nemours Foundation recommends leaving small encouraging notes in his paper bag lunch to give him some mid-day pep.
Step 5
Exercise as a family. Walk your dog together after dinner and take your tween on physically challenging outings such as hikes to encourage her to be active on a regular basis. If your child is fit, she will feel less stressed, feel equipped to learn in school, maintain a healthy weight and get a self-esteem boost, says the Florida Department of Health.
Step 6
Encourage him to participate in cooperative activities. Getting involved in team sports and constructive volunteer activities such as mentoring programs can foster your tween’s self-esteem, according to The Nemours Foundation.
Step 7
Speak positively about yourself. Your tween will pick up on your habits if she hears you consistently putting yourself down, says The Nemours Foundation. If you are in the process of trying to shed some weight, Scholastic.com recommends saving "diet" talk for your friends only; otherwise it might encourage your tween to focus on her size as well.
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