The loss of a loved one leaves a hole in the lives of family and friends. Many people struggle to try to bring comfort to those dealing with the loss. Saying the wrong thing — even if the comment was well meant — only adds to the sorrow of the bereaved. Yet avoiding the grieving person also adds to her pain. You can do some things to comfort her and let her know you are there for her.
Step 1
Write a condolence letter to the bereaved. Ron Wolfson, PhD and Elizabeth Menken, MD suggest you compose a letter which offers both a tribute to the deceased and comfort for the bereaved. Relate some memory you have of the deceased. Talk about your own relationship with the person. Share a memory or a funny story. Acknowledge the loss and pain of the bereaved and remind him of his own strengths or good qualities. Close with an expression of sympathy. The letter is something he can keep and look at whenever he feels up to it. Such letters can be a great comfort.
Step 2
Visit the bereaved. Judith Rollins, PhD, notes that the bereaved often feel isolated from others. Visits can make them feel less isolated. Let the grieving person dictate the nature of your visits. Some people will want to get out for a while and be distracted, while others may not desire any social contact at all for a while following a loved one's death. Rollins advises people to continue to visit the grieving person until that person indicates she no longer desires visits. Some grieving people have plenty of company immediately following a loved one's death, but can find themselves very much alone six months down the road.
Step 3
Listen to the bereaved. If the grieving person wants to talk about his loved one, don't change the subject. Let him talk. Don't judge his emotions. Some grieving people may be angry at the person who died, or at someone else they hold responsible. Allow the person to cry if he needs to.
Step 4
Provide a meal for the family. The grieving person may not feel much like eating, much less cooking, but she may have family and friends in town for the funeral. An easy to serve dish can provide real help. After the funeral an occasional meal geared to the bereaved person's tastes and appetite may be welcome.
Step 5
Make a list of tasks you can perform and give it to the grieving person. People often say "Let me know if there's anything I can do," but the bereaved may be reluctant to ask for help, or unable to think of things that need to be done. Make yourself available to do yard work, care for a family pet or provide transportation for out-of-town company.
