When you hear the door open, the shuffle of little footsteps, and then his voice asking, "Mommy, Daddy, can I sleep with you tonight?" you may give in out of sheer exhaustion, even though you want your son to sleep in his own bed. Whatever the reason keeping your son from falling asleep or sleeping through the night in his own bed, you can remedy the problem if you're willing to make a plan, lay down bedtime rules and never veer from your path.
Step 1
Uncover the source behind your son's fears of sleeping alone. If he is too young to tell you, help him articulate the reason by play acting with dolls or coloring a story. If your doll says he doesn't want to sleep in his bed because he's afraid of the closet monster and that's not the reason, your son will likely correct you. Through his doll he will say it's because he's afraid of the dark or bedtime is the only time he gets you to himself.
Step 2
Equip your son with the tools to fight his fears. Give him a flashlight and a nightlight if he's afraid of the dark. Arm him with a spray bottle to defend against the closet monster. Give him a book on tape to play after a nightmare.
Step 3
Spend quality one-on-one time with your son before bedtime so that he doesn't try to keep you from leaving his room and going to his siblings when it's time to shut off the lights.
Step 4
Establish a strict bedtime and bedtime routine. Follow the same routine in the same order every night. Ask if he has any last requests such as a cup of water so that he has no reason to get out of bed, except to use the bathroom, later in the night.
Step 5
Keep the house quiet during the bedtime routine and bedtime. Your son won't want to stay alone in his bed if he can hear his older siblings up and about.
Step 6
Set up a gate to keep him from coming into your room at night, or sleep on the floor in his room until he adjusts.
Step 7
Promise to check in on him throughout the night if he's afraid to stay in his bed. Check in every 10 minutes until he falls asleep and praise him each time for staying in bed.
Step 8
Put your son straight back to his bed when he gets out of bed. Don't make an argument out of it, and ignore any temper tantrums. Only soothe him and talk with him if he had a nightmare.
Step 9
Lavish him with praise for making it through the night on his own, and consider small prizes from a morning grab bag. Parenting.com notes that some parents play the role of the Sleep Fairy, leaving small goodies under the child's pillow.
Tips and Warnings
- Don't start the new bedtime routine during a hectic time such as during potty training, the start of school, a new baby in the house or after a move.
- Giving in just once tells him if he cries or tries hard enough, he can get his way.
