Abusive relationships can take many forms. Domestic violence may be one of the United States’ most widespread health problems, even though it often goes unreported, according to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. Whether you are a victim of physical, verbal, sexual, emotional or financial abuse, you can escape the unhealthy relationship if you create a plan and keep your personal health and safety in mind.
Step 1
Tell a trusted relative or friend about the abuse you are suffering so that you have a trusted person to contact in case of an emergency. Your relative or friend may also be able to help you plan your escape. If you feel you have no one to talk to, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. The hotline is toll-free and is available 24 hours a day.
Step 2
Check with your employer's human resources department if you work to see if your company has a program to help you. You may qualify for some form of leave if you need to escape an abusive relationship.
Step 3
Map out and practice an escape plan when your abuser is not home. Take note of safe exits and plan where you will go if you need to escape in a hurry. If you do not have a friend or relative nearby, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can refer you to a shelter or safe area.
Step 4
Fill your car up with gas and keep a spare key hidden somewhere outside the house. Park your vehicle in a place where you will not be blocked in if you need to make a quick escape.
Step 5
Develop a list of plausible reasons why you need to leave the house. If you do not need to make a quick getaway, having a reason to leave can provide you with a safe way to get out of an abusive situation.
Step 6
Pack a suitcase with clothes for you and your children, toiletries, toys and any small items that have sentimental value. Take the suitcase to a friend’s home or your work or arrange for someone to come pick it up when your abuser is not home so that you have a few basic items once you leave.
Step 7
Gather important items like medication, credit cards, financial records, birth certificates and medical records and keep them in a safe location. If you cannot keep the items in one place without creating suspicion from your abuser, know where each important item is so that you can grab them all quickly if you have a chance.
Step 8
Seek help from counselors and attorneys who specialize in domestic violence cases to help you through this difficult time. A domestic violence shelter can help you find legal aid, counseling, employment services, health care and financial assistance to help you rebuild your life after escaping an abusive relationship.
Step 9
Notify the police about your situation and the abuse. If you report the abuse before you leave, try to use a public phone. You can call 911 for free from most public phones.
Step 10
Change passwords to your email accounts and any other sensitive online information as soon as you leave. Changing passwords before your escape could tip your abuser off to your plan if he knows your passwords and finds he cannot log in to your accounts.
Tips and Warnings
- Keep your phone calls private while you are planning your escape. Consider purchasing a prepaid cell phone that you can keep hidden from your abuser. Dialing numbers from your home phone could give your abuser clues about your location after you leave if the numbers show up on the phone bill. Use a secure computer in a public location or at work if you look for help online. If you must use a home computer or laptop that your abuser has access to, make sure to delete your history and be extremely careful. Keyloggers and spyware can clue your abuser in on your Internet searches and email and instant messaging conversations. Keep your location secret by using a post office box and an unlisted telephone number. Cancel old credit cards and close old bank accounts so that you can open new ones. This helps prevent your abuser from learning your location through financial purchases and records.
Things You'll Need
- Spare car key
- Suitcase
- Clothes
- Toiletries
- Toys
- Sentimental items (optional)
- Medication
- Credit cards
- Financial records
- Identification
- Medical records
- Prepaid cell phone (optional)
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