As any parent can testify, most children are prone to display oppositional and defiant behavior. Children can be egocentric and impulsive, and inclined to become upset when they do not get their way. When they are tired or stressed, they express their negative emotions in a seemingly uncensored manner. They lose their temper, refuse to comply with commands, break rules, and become argumentative. While this sort of behavior is normal, some children display a pattern of disobedient, negative and defiant behavior toward authority figures that is developmentally excessive. An estimated 3 percent of children meet the criteria for oppositional defiant disorder, according to University of Michigan Hospitals. Whether you are dealing with normal levels of oppositional behavior from your child or if you are coping with a child afflicted with oppositional defiant disorder, there are steps you can take to help minimize disruptive behavior.
Step 1
Evaluate the severity of your child’s oppositional behavior. For a day or two, make a chart noting how many times during the day your child becomes obstinate, defiant or oppositional. Note the trigger situation, the location of the incident, the nature and duration of his response, and what you did to resolve the situation. You might also make note of additional factors that seem to contribute to his ill temper, such as fatigue, illness, sleepiness or frustration.
Step 2
Determine if you need a medical consultation. If your child is oppositional and defiant throughout the day, day after day, at different locales such as at school, in public and at home, and if her oppositional behavior is significantly disruptive to daily functioning, there may be an underlying medical or psychiatric problem, according to American Family Physician. Speak with your pediatrician, and consider getting an evaluation from a counselor or psychologist.
Step 3
Review your behavior chart and develop a behavior management program. Identify a couple of target behaviors or contexts to focus on, such as being disobedient at the store, or refusing to clean up toys at home. As you make progress with targeted behaviors, you can add new problem behaviors to your target list.
When your child is calm and relaxed, discuss the specific problem behaviors. Solicit your child’s perspective and feelings about these situations. Ascertain if there are anxieties, worries, fears or other thoughts or feelings that contribute to their inappropriate behavior. Listen to and validate their feelings, but clearly, calmly and directly tell them what your expectations are.
Step 4
For each targeted behavior, establish positive and negative consequences. Let your child know you appreciate that it is difficult for her to deal with these situations, but nonetheless she must follow the rules. Identify rewards to motivate and reward her for her success. Use special one-on-one time, games, television or video game time or anything that your child enjoys as a reward. Transform power struggles into win/win situations. Your child gets what she wants by doing what you want. When your child succeeds, you can celebrate together.
Step 5
Use plenty of labeled praise, such as described at Oregon Science & Health University. Verbally reward your child specifying exactly what they did that pleases you. For example, you might say, “Wow! You cleaned up your toys right when I asked. That’s impressive. Give me a high five!”
Step 6
Implement a “time-out” program with your child. Don’t use time outs as punishments, but rather use them as an opportunity for your child to withdraw and calm down, like athletes do in sports. When your child is acting oppositional, label his moods and behavior, such as described at Associates in Counseling and Child Guidance. Say, for example, “You are getting upset and acting disrespectful. Maybe you need a time out. We can discuss this in a few minutes when you have calmed down.” Use labeled praise to reward your child after he has calmed down, saying, for example, “You did a great job of calming down. I’m proud of you. Are you ready to talk?”
Step 7
Use warnings and mood/behavior labeling so your child can enhance his awareness of how his moods influence his behavior, as recommended at Associates in Counseling and Child Guidance. During oppositional incidents, label your child’s moods and behaviors. Say, for example, “You are getting upset, and you are starting to act disrespectful.” Couple the labels with a warning. For example, say “You need to calm down.”
Things You'll Need
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