It's not easy dealing with conflicts, especially with loved ones. Whether it's your spouse, significant other, relative or friend, learning the basics of conflict resolution may help you communicate more effectively and become a better listener. These techniques are ones you can utilize as conflicts arise and may enhance and deepen your relationships with others.
Step 1
Chart a course of action. You may decide to let some things go until you and your loved one have calmed down. While you can't always avoid conflict in a close relationship, you can find ways to discuss your concerns, worries or opinions in a positive manner. This rarely is achieved when one or both parties are angry, suggests clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist Larry Nadig.
Step 2
Ask your partner what he feels is the source of the conflict. This engages active listening skills by letting him explain the problem as he sees it, which may be different than the way you see it. Find out what the other person wants and make sure you understand. Rephrase and repeat the want to make sure you're understanding correctly, Nadig says.
Step 3
Encourage your partner to contribute ideas to resolving the conflict. Be willing to give and take and express your feelings. Conflicts are emotional issues and understanding your partner's feelings about the conflict are the first step toward finding a solution. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong. You must be open to bending or trying new ways of doing things in order to avoid conflicts in the future.
Step 4
Control your emotions during discussions. Keep your voice calm and avoid any behavior or tone of voice that may be interpreted as threatening or controlling. Don't call names and, when necessary, agree to disagree or make a date to discuss the issue when neither of you is angry.
Step 5
Address conflicts with an open mind and avoid trying to control the feelings of your partner. Accept that your partner may feel differently about a situation. Don't try to change the other person into feeling the way you do as that often leaves her feeling as if you're treating her like a child.
Step 6
Avoid bringing up past issues. Keep the focus on the issue at hand. If you can't let old grievances or angers go, you might want to consider seeking professional help from a psychologist.
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