Some marriages are destroyed by infidelity. While the damage may be irreparable, fortunately, this is not always the case. Some couples are willing to commit the time and effort to save their relationship. Recovery after cheating isn't easy, but it can be done if both parties are willing to make reconciliation a priority.
Step 1
Decide whether you are willing to continue with the marriage if your spouse agrees to stop the infidelity. You must be able to forgive the cheating if your partner is willing to break off the affair and take steps to ensure it never happens again. This means you cannot bring it up every time you have a fight or hold it over your spouse's head whenever you get upset.
Step 2
Confront your spouse about the cheating. Focus on facts so your partner won't automatically go on the defensive. Own your feelings with statements like, "I feel hurt and betrayed," instead of making judgments like, "You are a total jerk," which will quickly shut the conversation down.
Step 3
Agree to a time-out period, if needed. You will need to focus a lot of time and energy on repair efforts if your partner agrees to try to salvage the marriage. Emotions will initially run high, so the Mayo Clinic recommends giving each other some space before starting the hard work. Agree on a mutually acceptable time period, such as a week or two, that will allow you both to approach the situation more rationally.
Step 4
Make mutual goals. Both you and your partner will benefit from focusing on reasons to salvage the marriage. Your goals might involve your children, future financial or retirement plans or anything else that binds you together in a positive way.
Step 5
Agree to safeguards that help you regain trust in your partner. You may ask the other person to call you from certain places so you can check the caller ID information as proof. You may also want to be able to check emails or cell phone records on request. Your spouse should agree to provide this access without complaint.
Step 6
Set up marriage counseling sessions to help you both create and implement a plan to repair the marriage. A counselor gives an unbiased viewpoint and helps you and your spouse identify factors that led to the infidelity, find other potential issues in the marriage and create strategies to strengthen your relationship.
Tips and Warnings
- It takes time and hard work to fully deal with marital infidelity, but the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy states there are several signs when things are on the right track. The marriage should be getting stronger and focused on couplehood, and problems should be addressed as them come up. You should be rebuilding trust and commitment slowly but surely, and both you and your partner should be demonstrating empathy for each other. You are likely to get through the crisis and save the marriage if you see these things happening.
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