Jealousy has been around as long as human beings have. Although it is a normal reaction to a real or perceived threat of losing a partner's care or loyalty, if it is unrestrained it can lead to paranoia, false accusations, irrational behavior and even violence. For this reason, it is important to understand how jealousy works.
Origins
Jealousy is an evolved response that helped people ensure the survival of their genes in the Stone Age, according to psychologist Nando Pelusi. Although conditions have changed radically since then, evolution moves slowly and hasn't caught up with changes in lifestyle and society. It is for this reason that jealousy persists despite its often inappropriate and destructive effects.
Gender Differences
Men and women respond differently to infidelity, according to the University of California at Santa Barbara. Evolution has programmed women to seek resources from males in order to ensure the survival of their offspring. Accordingly, women tend to be more concerned about emotional infidelity, because it represents the threat that her mate may withdraw his resources. Men, on the other hand, have an evolutionary interest in ensuring that the child they expend resources to raise carries their genes, and are thus more concerned about sexual infidelity. Psychologist David Buss of the University of Texas asserts that men who were indifferent to their partner's sexual infidelity tended not to reproduce successfully, with the consequence that modern humans are descended from more jealous ancestors—and therefore carry their more jealous genes.
Warning Signs
Aaron Ben-Zeev, professor of philosophy at the University of Haifa, writing for Psychology Today magazine, identifies the warning sings of suspicious jealousy, the type that often leads to paranoia. These include frequent negative feelings toward your partner, investigating your partner's activities, going through her belongings, checking her texts and emails and feeling insecure and suspicious whenever she pay attention to a potential rival.
Addiction
Jealousy in its extreme form often resembles addiction, according to Hildegard Baumgart, counselor at the Ecumenical Counseling Center in Munich, Germany. A jealousy addict feels that he cannot live without his partner, yet is consumed with thoughts about actual or potential infidelity. He may constantly imagine sexual acts between his partner and a third person. In its most extreme form, jealousy can result in murder and suicide.
Treatment
Many treatments have been developed for jealousy, with varying degrees of effectiveness. Pelusi believes that excessive jealousy, although biologically initiated, reflects low self-esteem. He counsels the cultivation of emotional independence, in which your self-esteem is not dependent on the affections or loyalty of any other person. He also advises the cultivation of a relationship based on open and honest communication. Other treatments that involve the help of a therapist include desensitization and cognitive behavioral therapy.
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