Approximately 1.3 million women face physical abuse by an intimate partner every year, and an estimated one out of every four women will fall victim to domestic violence at some point in their lifetime, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Divorcing an abusive husband can stop the cycle of violence and allow a woman to move on with a healthy life, though the process can prove stressful and sometimes dangerous. Abused women must take steps to ensure their safety, and use lawyers, police and other professionals to help them deal with their abusive husband during a divorce.
Step 1
Document your husband's abusive behavior, so you have proof to show to the court, recommend Virginia divorce attorneys Charlie Hofheimer and Jack Ferrebee of the firm Hofheimer/Ferrebee. Take photos of any bruises or other injuries sustained as a result of the abuse. Save all important paperwork, such as emergency room records or police reports, and keep copies of any threatening or harassing emails or voice mail messages.
Step 2
Move out of your home as soon as possible to ensure your safety, and take your children with you. Take steps to prepare, and make a plan to leave safely. Lawyers Hofheimer and Ferrebee suggest setting up a bank account in your own name and getting a personal credit card before leaving. Have your personal items, such as clothing, important paperwork, medications and toiletries ready to go, so you can leave at a moment's notice. Call a local domestic violence support organization, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE. These groups will give you advice and assistance, and put you in touch with the nearest battered women's shelter if you don't have a place to stay.
Step 3
File a restraining order with your local court to keep your husband from coming near you. Locate a qualified divorce attorney who has experience with domestic abuse cases to help you file the order.
Step 4
File the court's restraining order with your local police, advises family law attorney and founder of Nolo Press, Ed Sherman. This puts police under extra pressure to provide protection. Husbands often react aggressively when notified of a restraining order, says Tracy Achen, author of "Divorce 101: A Woman's Guide," so take steps to protect yourself, especially during the first 24 hours after filing. Ask the police to drive by and check on you, or stay away from your residence with a friend or relative. Call the police if your husband tries to contact you.
Step 5
Get a friend, family member or roommate to move in with you to have safety in numbers. Abuse becomes less common in the presence of others, says attorney Ed Sherman. Get a dog for extra protection. Change your locks, and get an unlisted phone number.
Step 6
Ask the court to waive the mandatory mediation requirement during your divorce, advises author Tracy Achen. While many states require mediation as part of a divorce dispute, Achen cautions against mediation in abuse cases. Allow your lawyer to communicate any necessary information to your husband and his lawyer, and do not contact your husband on your own.
Step 7
Find and attend a local support group. Ask local police or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE to locate a support group in your area. Talk with the women in the group about the ways they dealt with their abusive husbands.
Step 8
Ask the court for supervised visitation of any children, if the judge won't deny visitation completely to your husband, advises author Tracy Achen. Get in writing all aspects of your post-divorce parenting plan, as well as all steps you must take if you need to change the plan.
Tips and Warnings
- Most states permit emergency restraining orders to be issued "ex parte," or without participation or notice to your husband, advises Ed Sherman. Use an emergency order until a hearing can be held.
- If you fear for your safety, attorney Ed Sherman advises moving to a different town. Don't stay in a place where you don't feel safe.
Things You'll Need
- Lawyer
- Evidence of abuse
- Bank account and personal credit card
References
- Nolo Press: Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do
- Hofheimer/Ferrebee P.C: Escaping an Abusive Relationship
- Woman's Divorce: Divorcing An Abusive Husband
- University Of Missouri Extension: Domestic Violence and Divorce
- National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: Domestic Violence Fact Sheet
