When you feel anger toward your partner, his response--and the manner in which he responds--is very important toward resolving these feelings. If your partner does not take the source of your anger seriously, this may lead you to believe he will repeat the action. Effectively communicating why you are upset, and the severity of the situation, to your partner can help him to in turn understand and respond better. The result can be a strengthened relationship.
Step 1
Compose yourself for a few minutes before you confront your partner. Phil McGraw, a psychologist and counselor, calls this "maintaining control." Instant outbursts of emotion can instantly put your partner on the defensive, and result in a shouting match, instead of allowing you to have your voice heard. You should focus on expressing what the true problem is--not angry emotions.
Step 2
Share with your partner the relationship rule you feel he broke, according to Michael Myerscough, a marriage counselor on The Relationshipgym. Much of the time when you are angry at your partner, it is because you feel he did not treat you the way you feel you deserve to be treated. This is a key to letting your partner know how angry you are, because to him, what he has done may not be offensive. However, if it is offensive to you, you must explain your standards to him.
Step 3
Explain to your partner how what he did made you feel. Even if he did not find the action offensive, he likely does not want to hurt your feelings, or cause you to be upset. By understanding how he has made you feel, he will be able to see an added side to the source of your anger.
Step 4
Offer him an opportunity to explain. There often are two sides to every story, and taking for granted that you know why your partner behaved a certain way can lead you to an incorrect assumption. Sometimes, he won't have an explanation. That's OK. Now that you have taken the time to discuss the problem, he will be more aware of the issue to prevent future problems.
Step 5
Find a solution. Even if the solution is agreeing to disagree, you have to know how you two can move forward. And when you do move forward, refrain from continuing to bring this problem up. If your significant other truly is sorry and is working to redeem himself, reminding him of past transgressions can only lead you to take a step back, according to psychologist Tony Fiore, on SelfGrowth.com.
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