Healthy communication is crucial to the success of any relationship, and families are a complex system of multiple relationships. As the University of Delaware Cooperative Extension points out, a couple is made up of one relationship, while there are six relationships involved in a family of four. Overcoming the hurdles that can prevent good communication is the first step toward strengthening a family's foundation.
Family Time
Often, a family's busy schedule of school, work, chores and extra-curricular activities can get in the way of communication. Designate special times throughout the day and week as family time, when everyone puts aside their other activities and makes family a priority. Try to have at least one meal per day as a family, and use part of this time to discuss everyone's day. With younger children, make it a point to talk about their day as you put them to bed each night. Shared chores, such as walking the dog together, can be a good time for meaningful conversation. Schedule one evening a week as Family Night with a special meal and activities the whole family can enjoy.
Family Meetings
A family meeting is a designated time in which the family can gather to share concerns, celebrate achievements, solve problems and conflict, make suggestions and support one another. Family meetings are not a time to condemn, punish or put someone on trial.
North Dakota State University Extension suggests starting the tradition of family meetings when children are 4 or 5. Expect some initial resistance from older adolescents and teenagers. Schedule family meetings in advance and make sure all family members' calendars are clear for that time. Some families find it helpful to have a plan or itinerary, while others find that an unstructured meeting works better.
Active Listening
All successful communication is two-way; learning to listen is just as important as learning how to communicate your own feelings. Practice active listening and teach these skills to your children both deliberately and by example. Active listening means giving the speaker your full attention and letting him know you are hearing and understanding. Make eye contact with the speaker and focus on what he is saying, rather than thinking about what you want to say next. The University of Delaware Cooperative Extension suggests repeating the speaker's main points back when he is finished to make sure you understand and show that you are interested.
Effective Communication
In addition to active listening, it is important for a family to develop effective communication skills. Take turns speaking and focus on the topics at hand rather than bringing up unrelated discussions. Reach a compromise that benefits everyone, and try to create win-win solutions to conflict. Let everyone suggest solutions and compromises, and then discuss whether they will work. Consider group voting when appropriate. The Dr. Spock website suggests stating discussion goals at the beginning of family meetings and making positive suggestions rather than stating criticism.
What to Avoid
Parents sometimes use phrases with very little meaning to children, like "back in my day" or "because I said so." These empty phrases hinder communication and breed resentment. Do not try to discuss situations in the heat of anger; give everyone time to calm down and collect their thoughts before talking. Do not assume that you know what others are thinking or that others can read your mind. Avoid yelling, swearing, sarcasm and backhanded compliments.
