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How to Stop Liking Someone Else When You Have a Boyfriend

author image C. Giles
C. Giles is a writer with an MA (Hons) in English literature and a post-graduate diploma in law. Her work has been published in several publications, both online and offline, including "The Herald," "The Big Issue" and "Daily Record."
How to Stop Liking Someone Else When You Have a Boyfriend
A woman spending time with her boyfriend on the beach. Photo Credit Ronnie Kaufman/Blend Images/Getty Images

Being attracted to someone else when you already have a boyfriend may be out of your control. According to psychologist Gary Lewandowski in the article "Is It Okay to Have a Crush on Someone Who Isn't Your Significant Other?" for "Science of Relationships," your judgment concerning someone's attractiveness is automatic. It's when an acknowledgement of attractiveness turns into a crush that things could get difficult. You may not be able to stop liking another man, but you can certainly stop it from becoming an issue in your relationship.

Step 1

Relax. It's perfectly normal to like someone else when you have a boyfriend. Sensuality and sexuality are part of our culture, says psychologist Janet Reibstein in the article "Fancying and Flirting With Other People" for "Couple Connection." Acknowledging that people are attractive is simply accepting that we are all sensual beings. Being in a long-term, committed, loving relationship doesn't stop you from finding other people attractive.

Step 2

Be open and honest with your boyfriend. The ability to admit to being attracted to other people is a sign of an extremely healthy relationship, says psychologist Marie Hartwell-Walker in the article "Husband Was Attracted to a Co-Worker" for "Psych Central." However, do it in a way that brings the excitement that you're feeling outside your relationship back into the very heart of it. For example, you may say something like, "There's this really cute guy at work, but he's not as cute as you! I've been thinking about the first time I saw you and the spark I felt. Do you remember it?"

Step 3

Resist the temptation to flirt with the other man. Flirting is dangerous because it can be intoxicating and lead to a desire to take things further, warns Reibstein. Instead, focus your attention on your boyfriend. If you feel that the spark has gone from your relationship, put it back in there. Plan a romantic date night with dinner, candles and massage oil. Go away for the weekend and take the chance to reconnect away from family, friends and everyday obligations. Do whatever you enjoy doing together. Talk about what's been going on in your lives, and share your dreams and ambitions. Strengthening your bond with your boyfriend will help to nip your attraction to another man in the bud.

Step 4

Consider how you feel about your relationship with your boyfriend. If you feel content, secure and satisfied, your attraction to another man is likely to be nothing to worry about, and will pass. However, if you feel that you have "settled" for your boyfriend, that you deserve better, or that you have missed out on what you perceive to be the fun and excitement of single life, your issues may run deeper than liking another guy. Forget about him for a moment, and decide whether your relationship with your boyfriend is genuinely fulfilling you.

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