1. Sexuality is at the Core of Self-Identity
Sexual expression is not only about gratification, it is about connecting to another human being on a deeply intimate level. The sexual act is meant to communicate to another human being that not only do you find them attractive, but you "get them." In human terms, sexuality is about love and your way of saying to another human being, "I choose you above any other." There are periods in life where you might be exploring your sexuality to learn about yourself and find a love connection. Sexual addiction is not about a healthy period of self-exploration; it is about addiction.
2. Addiction is Addiction is Addiction
Sex can become a commodity that is substituted for alcohol, drugs or any other addictive substance. It may start out with pleasure seeking behavior, but if you are truly addicted, it can turn into a nightmare. Drugs or alcohol can be the gateway to careless sex; it can all go hand and hand. Too often, people will respond to a sexual urge out of impulse or because their perception is off while intoxicated. It may be that the only addictive substance is sex, in which case the
"high" is about the pursuit, the act and then on to the next.
3. People as Objects
When sex is just a commodity, nothing is very satisfying; the pleasure becomes momentary. In our society, pornography is "normalized." With the Internet, the availability of stimulating images is constant and the range is extreme. The immediacy of this media adds to the intensity, and if you have an addiction, the frequency of viewing can go through the roof. Before long, you may be experiencing feelings of detachment, as if the images of people aren't human. Your expectations for sexual stimulation can become distorted and sexual expression is no longer about love as much as it is about self-absorption.
4. Caring About Ourselves and Others
The more detached the sexual act becomes, the less gratifying sex is and the more dissatisfied you will feel. Understanding what motivates you to view pornography or engage in careless sexual acts, particularly if you become involved with strangers, is an important step in changing your behavior. High risk sex can leave you in a dangerous place in regard to your health. With addiction, you may loose site of the risks involved. Caring about ourselves means that we treat our mind, body and emotions with respect. Caring about others means that we treat them with the same regard. Intimacy is about respect and love; leaning to love and respect ourselves and others is a good place to start the healing process. If you are ready to change, take steps to replace the unhealthy behavior with a healthy behavior.
5. Recovery is About Loving Yourself
Pornographic images can be powerful and careless sex acts can be empty. Like any addiction process, with abuse or dependence you can begin to experience personal devaluation, depersonalization and self-hatred. As you become detached from yourself, you loose self-respect. Reaching out to a support group, therapist or spiritual leader will help you find your path toward recovery. Focus on self-love as opposed to impulsive gratification! Plan for relapse occurrences and stay on the road to healing. Make a plan to love and be loved, and stop using yourself or others as an object. Take responsibility for your healing process and find the love you deserve.
