Teenagers, by their very nature, are going to test parental boundaries. Some of these tests expose them to risky, if not illegal, behaviors. Under the best of circumstances, raising a teen is not easy--they are moody, undergoing emotional and physical changes that scare them and they want to try new things. Add rule-breaking, loss of trust and arguments into the mix and you have a potentially volatile situation. You have to work to remember the cute, snaggle-toothed child who trusted you implicitly--and wonder where she has disappeared.
Step 1
Work to maintain as positive a relationship with your teen as you can. His difficult behaviors may make this task challengin. Seek professional help if necessary, advises the Centers for Disease Control, or CDC.
Try to stay in communication with him as often as you can--if you notice any new, troubling behaviors, such as sadness, let him know you're concerned about his well-being. Even if he doesn't say so, your questions about how he's doing lets him know you do care.
Step 2
Help your teen to develop solutions to any issues she is facing, such as poor grades. As she is looking for solutions, help her with her decision-making process. Make yourself available for advice and let her use her own judgment when she makes decisions, recommends the CDC.
Step 3
Acknowledge your fear of some of the decisions your teen may make. Regardless of his potential reaction, let him know how you feel, especially if he has made poor choices in the past, says the Alabama Cooperative Extension System or ACES. Beginning to communicate honestly with him, even when your message isn't what he wants to hear, helps you to establish trust--if he knows you're going to tell him the truth, he may respond by being truthful himself.
Step 4
Communicate your expectation that your teen has to show she can be trusted. You may have lost trust in her at times when she displayed problem behaviors. If she is to regain privileges she has lost, she has to stop participating in negative behaviors and start showing a reliable track record, earning your trust, according to ACES.
Step 5
Establish reasonable trust boundaries. Make yourself aware of your teen's limits in handling different kinds of situations, e.g., staying at home alone for the weekend without inviting all of his friends over for a forbidden party. If you don't think he can handle this kind of situation, don't put him in the situation, advises ACES. This is a "test of trust" setup and he will figure it out.
Tips and Warnings
- Allow your teenager to earn your trust back. If, despite all your efforts to handle your teen's behaviors, nothing works, don't be afraid to seek counseling for your teen and family.
