The British composer John Powell once said, "Communication works for those who work at it." Whether you're dealing with a spouse, boss, child, friend or co-worker, developing good interpersonal communication skills will help you get what you want and avoid frustration and disappointment in your relationships. Put simply, says Donnell King, an associate professor of speech and journalism at Pellissippi State Community College, "People are not mind readers. People judge you by your behavior, not your intent."
Step 1
Identify the problem. According to Ted G. Stevens PhD, author of the book, "You Can Choose To Be Happy," when entering into a dialogue designed to resolve a conflict, "Clarify what you want from the interaction" before approaching the other person. You should identify what changes both you and the other person can make to help solve the problem and, says Stevens, "exactly what actions would satisfy you." One goal of any successful interpersonal communication should be a "win-win" outcome.
Step 2
Listen actively. Massachusetts Institute of Technology Organization Development Consultant Jeannette Gerzon says, "Active listening is a foundation communication skill. Its primary assumption is that the listener is trying to understand the speaker's point of view or experience." Important principles of active listening include taking time to allow the other person to tell her story, showing interest by focusing on the speaker and asking her clarifying questions. According to Stevens, you shouldn't assume what somebody else feels, thinks or wants.
Step 3
State your feelings. While showing respect and empathy for the other person's position and feelings, says Stevens, be specific and "own" the problem. "State it as your problem," he says, "after all, you are the one who is upset about it right now and want a change." It's important to state exactly how the other person's behavior affects you. Use only neutral or descriptive words, don't label either yourself or the other person and avoid personal attacks. "Take responsibility for your own feelings and thoughts," says Stevens.
Step 4
Practice interpersonal communication techniques. King notes that interpersonal communication is inescapable, irreversible and complicated. "We can't not communicate" she says. "The very attempt not to communicate communicates something." Not only will practicing good communication techniques help you in all your relationships, you may even discover a new way of seeing something.
References
- Pellissippi State Community College: Four Principles of Interpersonal Communication
- Massachusetts Institute of Technology Human Resources: Communicating With Others - Key Tips for Active Listening
- Tom G. Stevens, PhD: Harmonious Assertive Communication - Methods to Creating Understanding and Intimacy
- Communicationskillsinfo.com: Effective Communication Skills
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