Many life circumstances can separate you from the friends of your childhood and youth, such as work relocations, educational pursuits and lifestyle differences. Going through a divorce, for example, can deeply impact your friendships as much as it does your family. Finding friends whom you can trust, hang out with and enjoy sharing life with, though, is not an impossible task. You can take steps to making friends at 30, even when you already lead a full, busy life.
Step 1
Decide that you will make growing friendships a priority in your life. Do whatever is necessary to foster possible relationships, including coming up with creative strategies for connecting with other people and clearing time in your schedule to follow through with these ideas. For example, if you usually spend weeknights at home after work, join a local cooking or pottery class instead.
Step 2
Embrace new opportunities in your home and work life, such as volunteering with a local youth organization or taking public speaking classes with Toastmasters or at your local community college. These activities will help you to experience more fulfillment personally and professionally, and they will help you to connect with other people in these areas as well.
Step 3
Pursue areas of interest and passion, such as travel, theater, music and sports. You may sign on with a tour group to New Zealand, try out for a local theater group or join a nearby book club. Meeting and spending time with other people who share similar passions will also open the door for possible friendships.
Step 4
Improve your relational IQ by learning how to better communicate your care and love to another person. Gary Chapman, in "The Five Love Languages," explains that "friendships are cultivated and strengthened when we choose to speak each other's primary love language." He identifies five love languages, which are quality time, physical touch, meaningful gifts, affirming words and acts of service.
Step 5
Strengthen your self-care by learning how to better see and care for yourself. Gary Smalley, in "The DNA of Relationships," explains that self-care encompasses learning healthy ways to care for your own needs, to receive love from others and to give love in return. As you develop a healthier relationship with yourself, you will be better able to grow relationships with others.
Tips and Warnings
- Enlist the help of family members and friends, and do not avoid asking for help even if you feel self-conscious or embarrassed. Instead, "spread the word" that you need more close friendships in your life, just as you would if you were looking for a job.
- Do not give up in your quest for quality friendships. Even though you may feel as if you are not making progress early on, persevere through the process and make any adjustments that you need to make along the way.
References
- "The Five Love Languages"; Gary Chapman; 2010
- "The DNA of Relationships"; Gary Smalley; 2004
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