Good communication is one of the hallmarks of a successful marriage. Couples that can effectively communicate their needs and can understand their partner's point of view are able to work through the inevitable marital arguments. The most important aspect of communication is the ability to listen and really hear what someone is saying. Good communication in marriage is a two-way street. It is important to show your respect for your spouse in both the way you talk and the way you listen. Using active listening skills shows that you care and respect your spouse and want to understand what she is saying.
Step 1
Show respect to your spouse by being willing to accept and listen without debate. Even if you do not agree, listening without interrupting or arguing shows your partner that you respect what he has to say.
Step 2
Tell your partner in clear and specific language what you want. You cannot expect your spouse to know what you need and how she can help unless you clearly tell her.
Step 3
Listen actively. Ask questions about what your spouse says to make sure you understand. Restate what he says to make sure you understand correctly. The questions should be clarifying questions, not questions that criticize. Your job is to be the listener and to fully engage with what he is saying.
Step 4
Stay in the present. Bringing up past arguments or hurt feelings can make people defensive take the discussion off track. Stay focused on the topic at hand and what you and your spouse are feeling right now.
Step 5
Watch your body language. Your posture, eye contact and movements let your partner know whether you are really listening, or just pretending to listen. Make eye contact. Nod your head. You can be doing other things while listening, but respect your spouse by letting her know that what she is saying is important.
Step 6
Be willing to negotiate. You may need to give in on certain things that are important to your spouse in order for him to give in on things that are important to you. Marriage is a give and take and negotiating can be an effective way to satisfy both of you.
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