According to the Administration on Aging, widowers accounted for about 14 percent of the nation's population over the age of 65 in 2008. However, many widowers find it difficult to move forward following the loss of a beloved spouse. At first, reinvesting in another long-term relationship may seem taboo, but in time you may be surprised to find yourself thinking about exploring new relationships. Although there are no set rules when it comes to how soon to begin dating, it's important not to move too quickly.
Step 1
Give yourself time to grieve so that you can learn to feel good about yourself again. Grief can change a person's self-image, but it can make a positive difference if you allow it. Your outlook on life may begin to change as you discover a new independence.
Step 2
Accept the death of your wife. You will know that you are letting go when you begin to replace the physical presence of your spouse with memories of her. At this point, you may realize that your life is beginning to take on new patterns. Grief is a process unique to individuals; therefore, how long it takes before you are ready to start dating is something only you can determine.
Step 3
Allow your grief to have a positive outcome by taking steps to move forward with your life. Look for opportunities to interact with others and meet new friends. Enjoy the company of other people, but take it slow and allow yourself to heal from your loss before getting intimately involved with another woman.
Step 4
Examine your reasons for dating. Abel Keogh, an author who has written numerous articles relating to grief and widowers, points out that it's okay to date because you are feeling lonely and want to spend some time in the company of another person. Keogh warns, however, that dating will not immediately take away the pain you feel from the loss of your spouse. Only time can heal that.
Step 5
Expect to experience different emotions as you begin to see other people. You may even feel guilty about seeing someone, as if you are being disloyal to your deceased spouse. Then again, if you are truly ready, dating can boost your self-esteem as you learn to cope with the loss of your wife. Spending time with someone can help take away the loneliness that you feel and give you new hope.
Step 6
Talk about your deceased spouse briefly, but then focus your attention on learning more about the woman you are dating. She may be curious about your deceased wife at first, which is okay. Yet remember that the purpose of a date is for you and your date to enjoy being in each other's company.
Step 7
Make your date feel special. The woman should not have to compete with the memory of your wife. Dating may feel awkward at first, but don't forget your manners when it comes to proper dating etiquette. The little courtesies like opening a car door for a woman can make a huge impression.
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