An abusive relationship is painful, whether the abuse is physical or mental. Cruel words can hurt as much as a slap or punch. Patty Fleener, MSW, a social worker and writer for the Mental Health Today website, warns that abuse tears down a victim's self-esteem. Many victims feel guilty about not being able to end the relationship. It is difficult, but getting out is essential for your emotional well-being and possibly your safety. The Help Guide mental health website warns that verbal abuse often turns physical.
Step 1
Commit firmly to getting out of the verbally abusive relationship. Write it down as a goal you can refer back to if you start to waver. Incorporate your commitment into a daily affirmation to remind yourself that you're ending the relationship and that it will be good for you. Repeat the affirmation every morning and evening. Use it to strengthen your resolve if you're having a hard time during the breakup.
Step 2
Choose a safe way to break off the relationship. Many verbal abusers are also capable of physical violence, so pick a public place if you're going to break the news in person. Do the break-up over the phone if you feel you might be in danger during a face-to-face meeting.
Step 3
Tell your partner that you're ending the relationship, and refuse to discuss any compromises. Fleener warns that abusers know all the right words to draw you back in. Some use flattery and promises, while others try to make you feel guilty.
Do not engage in a conversation. Simply repeat your intention to end the relationship no matter what the other person says. State that it is finished and that you want no further contact.
Step 4
Cut off all contact with the other person. Delete all text and phone messages and do not answer phone calls. Return cards and letters unopened. Delete emails without reading them or set your email program to block them automatically. This shows the abuser that you are serious about ending the relationship and keeps you from being tempted to get back together.
Step 5
Use a personal support system to get through the grieving process. It is natural to grieve the loss of any relationship, including abusive ones. Talk to trusted friends and family members and write about your hurt in a journal. See a professional counselor if you need to rebuild your self-esteem or undo other damage from the abuse.
Tips and Warnings
- Most abusers will give up after some initial attempts to rekindle the relationships, but some are more persistent. You may need to get a restraining order if your ex-partner threatens you, stalks you or bombards with excessive phone calls or text messages, the Family Violence Law Center explains. Start documenting the calls or behavior, and save the harassing messages. You will need to present them in court when you apply for the restraining order.
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