Relationship problems can actually be excellent opportunities for people to practice communication and deepen their connections to each other. Conflicts can arise from unrealistic expectations between partners or problematic behavioral patterns. As people learn to communicate honestly about their desires and needs, they develop a clearer understanding of how they can relate in a positive way. Healthy communication and conflict resolution are critical to this process.
Step 1
Establish guidelines and agreements about respectful communication and problem-solving. A foundation of mutual respect and empathy is essential for problem-solving. People should be able to disagree with each other in a fair, respectful way. Anger is normal and healthy, but disagreements should not break down into name-calling or threats. Likewise, people should be prepared to listen with an open mind and apologize when appropriate.
Step 2
Pick an appropriate time and setting to discuss an issue. Professionals at the University of Texas, Austin's Counseling and Mental Health Center note that it is not always productive for people to discuss problems when both parties are tense or angry. Taking time to sort through thoughts and feelings allows people to consider what they want to communicate. Choosing a quiet, private space for this conversation is also important. If communication is particularly difficult, consider working with a counselor or therapist who can mediate the issue.
Step 3
Focus on one issue at a time. Relationships can be full of ups and downs. It's important to resolve one issue at a time, focusing on each person's feelings, desires and needs. Discussing multiple issues or old problems can complicate the conversation and frustrate both people. Stay focused on the present moment and resolve each issue individually.
Step 4
Express desires and needs and distinguish between the two. There is a critical difference between desires and needs. People should consider, first, what they absolutely need to resolve the problem at hand. After considering the possibilities, people may often find that they can resolve the problem by reaching a reasonable agreement, rather than an ideal outcome.
Step 5
Come to a clear understanding or resolution and move past the issue. Experts at Planned Parenthood suggest that it is very important for people to agree on a resolution that with work for both parties and then move forward with that agreement. Re-visiting a past argument can cause a pattern of resentment and anger to develop between two people. If both parties agree to a resolution, the problem should be put in the past, and the individuals should agree to move forward.
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