Kids do what gets noticed. That may be why adult attention following negative behavior makes the behavior more likely to occur, particularly when a child is competing for adult attention. While your natural tendency probably is to react to a child's inappropriate behavior, it actually can be harmful to give a child special attention when she misbehaves. Paying less attention to negative behaviors might be a more successful strategy for getting your child to do what you want.
Step 1
Ignore disruptive behavior. According to child psychologists Jacob Azzerad and Paul Chance, studies have consistently shown that adult attention can cause problem behavior in children. Research suggests that reprimanding a child might actually reward bad behavior. The more effective strategy is to reward only good behavior with adult attention.
Step 2
Make the rules for behavior clear. Be specific, and explain the consequences of breaking those rules. Your child needs to know what you expect. Consistency prevents a child from becoming confused. If you change the rules along the way, he won't know what the limits are. If you have to punish your child for bad behavior, be unemotional about it rather than getting angry or upset. Mayo Clinic recommends remaining patient and calm, even when your child is out of control.
Step 3
Note whenever your child does something positive, because that indicates maturing behavior. Remind your child later of things she did and how impressed you were. Dr. William Sears, one of the nation's best-known pediatricians, stresses that parents need to be clear to a child about what kind of behavior they expect . While praise is an effective way to encourage desirable behavior, it also helps for parents to know what situations can trigger unwanted behavior in a child.
Step 4
Praise your child rather than criticizing. Spend extra time with him following a show of positive behavior. Be spontaneous so that it does not appear to be a reward for desirable behavior. Children tend to want a parent's undivided attention, so give him your full attention for a few minutes whenever you notice positive behavior.
Step 5
Give your child a time out when punishment for negative behavior is warranted, particularly if her behavior poses a risk to others. When your child displays unwanted behavior such as hitting a sibling or playmate, simply tell her that people should not hit other people. Take her by the hand, and seat her in a chair facing the wall. If she tries to leave the chair, firmly seat her again. Ignore her completely, even if she has a temper tantrum while seated there. Say nothing to her while she is seated in the chair. After three minutes. let her get up, as long as she has been well behaved for a few seconds. Tell her that she has been good, but remind her again that people should not hit other people. Explain nothing more about the time out
