You have every right to be upset after a breakup, notes the Villanova University Counseling Center, which claims that research has shown that emotions after a breakup are close to those felt after the death of a family member or dear friend. Denial, grief and guilt are some of the emotions that can be experienced after a breakup. There's also a good chance you're feeling jealous and angry, especially if your ex is with someone else or you feel as though you wasted the time you spent with him. Susan Elliott, author of "Getting Past Your Breakup," recommends taking a good look at your feelings and trying to understand them so that you can eventually put the relationship in perspective and move on.
Step 1
Seek out a support system. Family and friends who care about you and are willing to listen can help you cope after a breakup. Elliott suggests confiding only in friends who aren't close to your ex. You don't want your feelings shared with him.
Step 2
Stick to a daily routine, the Villanova University Counseling Center advises. Get up in the morning, even though you don't feel like it, and go to work or school, as you usually would. In the evenings, when you might have been with your ex, do household tasks, meet with friends, or go out jogging. By busying yourself, you will have less time to focus on your ex, advises Lisa Steadman, author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."
Step 3
Find constructive, creative ways to bring a sense of closure to the relationship and work through your jealous feelings. Journaling, arts and crafts are just some of the suggestions offered by Villanova University. By creating a safe and private outlet for your feelings, you will be less likely to act on them, as noted in "The Girl's Guide to Surviving a Breakup." You might also get to the roots of your jealousy, which probably have nothing to do you with your ex.
Step 4
Take the steps necessary to avoid contacting your ex partner via technology. Defriend or block your ex on social networking websites. Don't create new accounts on social networking websites to keep track of your ex. Delete from your email any romantic messages that he sent you, and take his number off your cellphone.
Step 5
Avoid places that you and your ex frequented, and don't drive past his house to see if a new love is there. Some places may be impossible to avoid, particularly if you work in the same place or attend the same school. But dwelling on your ex and seeing him will only rekindle the feelings you want to work through and put behind you.
Step 6
Give yourself time. Emotions are a tricky subject, and everyone reacts differently. A breakup takes time to get over, and the length of time is different for everyone, Lynn Harris and Chris Kalb write in "Breakup Girl to the Rescue!" No one can tell you when your heart will heal. Give yourself permission to work through your feelings at your own pace.
References
- Villanova University Counseling Center: Relationship Breakup
- "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown"; Lisa Steadman; 2007
- "The Girl's Guide to Surviving a Breakup"; Delphine Hirsh; 2002
- "Breakup Girl to the Rescue!"; Lynn Harris, Chris Kalb; 2002
- "Getting Past Your Breakup"; Susan J. Elliott; 2009
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