Living with an abusive alcoholic spouse can threaten both your physical safety as well as your emotional well-being, and escalating abuse may put your life at risk. According to a 2005 Centers For Disease Control study, domestic violence causes approximately 1,200 deaths every year in America. If you're ready to leave your abusive alcoholic husband, you'll need to make preparations for a safe exit and have a support system in place to help you through the process.
Step 1
Take photos of any evidence of physical violence, such as bruises or broken teeth. Preserve copies of police reports, emergency room records and other evidence of your husband's abuse and addiction. Keep a journal detailing abusive incidents and threats made by your husband.
Step 2
Set up a consultation with a local family law practitioner to discuss your legal options. Ask friends or family for advice when selecting an attorney, or contact your local county bar association to get a list of local certified family law specialists. Specify that you need an attorney with experience in domestic abuse cases. Most divorce lawyers will schedule an initial consultation at a reduced rate or flat fee, says family law specialist Steven A. Mindel of the Los Angeles, California, firm Feinberg, Mindel, Brandt and Kline.
Step 3
Make a plan for how to leave safely, advises the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call your local battered women's shelter, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800'799'SAFE for help and advice. Put together emergency money, and get a bank account in your own name. You may need to leave at a moment's notice, so have all your important paperwork, cell phone, clothing and other personal items ready to go.
Step 4
Talk to those you trust about your situation, advises the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Have a support system of friends and family whom you can call when you need to.
Step 5
Contact your local police department and request a police escort when you leave if you feel unsafe, advises the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Have a safe place to go, such as a friend or relative's house, a rental apartment or a battered women's shelter.
Step 6
File a restraining order, also called an order of protection, with your local court, suggests Tracy Achen, author of "Divorce 101: A Woman's Guide." Talk to a qualified attorney for help with filing the restraining order. Take the order to your local police department the day you file, and ask them to drive by your house to check on you, since the first 24 hours can prove especially volatile, advises Achen. Call the police immediately if your husband violates the order.
Step 7
Rent a post office box to receive your mail, advises the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Change your phone number, and get caller ID. Keep a copy of your restraining order with you at all times.
Step 8
Ask your attorney to refer you to a qualified mental health professional to help you deal with your emotional issues, advises attorney Steven A. Mindel. Having your lawyer help you pick a therapist will prevent legal issues relating to the divorce if the therapist has to testify, says Mindel.
Step 9
Work with your lawyer to negotiate a settlement agreement and legally divorce your abusive alcoholic husband.
Tips and Warnings
- Take your children with you, says author Tracy Achen. Don't leave them behind in a volatile environment.
- Avoid discussions with your husband when he's drunk, and try to leave while he appears sober.
Things You'll Need
- Lawyer
- Physical evidence
- Money
- Phone
- Restraining order
- Therapist
- Friends and family
